This is a silly story about feedback. It has a moral, so delete if you don't like morals. :)

Spoilers: none
Rating: R for adult situations
Keywords: preachy, Mulder bashing
Distribution: OK for list archive, elsewhere by permission
Summary: Scully learns the joys of writing erotica.

AGENT SCULLY AND THE DIRTY STORY: A MORALITY TALE
by Halrloprillalar <prillalar@geocities.com>

One Saturday morning, Scully awoke from a very sexy dream. She lay in bed and tried to go back to sleep and finish it, since it had gotten to a *very* exciting part, but to no avail. So she got up and made some coffee.

Over her breakfast toast, Scully played the dream over and over in her mind. It was far too sexy to forget, so she decided to write a story incorporating the events of the dream. She took her coffee over to her computer and sat down.

Scully had never tried to write a dirty story before, but she had read quite a lot of them on the Net, so she thought she could probably do a pretty good job. After four hours and three more cups of coffee, she completed her tale, called "Passionfruit." It featured two women and three men who were locked in the produce department of a grocery store overnight. To while away the time, they had a contest to see who could be the most creative with the fruits and vegetables.

Scully spell-checked the story, then carefully read it over looking for mistakes. After changing a few small things, she figured it was done. Now what should she do with it? Send it out to her friends, of course! She hoped to spread a little happiness around that way. After firing up the modem, she emailed it out to a bunch of people that she knew. She was really careful not to send it to her mother, though.

The sun was shining, so Scully went out for a walk.


Assistant Director Skinner was working on paperwork at home on Saturday afternoon when his computer chimed. Some email had arrived. Opening it up, he found Scully's dirty story. He was about due for a break, so he got a Coke from the fridge and read the story through. Wow, it was hot! It really perked up his afternoon.

He sent some email to Scully:

   Agent Scully,

   Your story was excellent. Keep up the good work.

   AD Skinner.

Then he tried to get his mind back on his job.


The Lone Gunmen rushed to their email computer when they heard the special "Foxy!" sound effect that signalled mail from Scully. It hardly ever went off, so they were doubly excited. After reading the dirty story, they were trebly, nay, quadruply excited. They dashed off a note to Scully:

   Dear Erudite and Hot One:

   Woo hoo! We had *no* idea. That was hot, hot, hot. We
     especially liked the scene with the radishes. It was hot.
     And Frohike says he has a coupon for 50c off grapes, if you
     want to come over later. (Bring a friend.) More, more, more!
     Hot, hot, hot!

   TLG

   PS Is this from *personal* experience? We have a bet...


Mulder checked his email when he got back from playing basketball. He was all sweaty. He read the dirty story. He got more sweaty. He started to have this fantasy about himself, Scully, and Krycek at the Circle-K. He moved away from the computer...


When Scully got back from her walk, she found the notes from Skinner and the Gunmen in her mail. Knowing they had enjoyed the story made her feel really good, so she wrote back thanking them for the feedback. When she sent those notes off, she found new email in her inbox, from Kim.

   Hi Dana,

   Wow, I really enjoyed this story. You have a real gift for
     erotica. Was this your first attempt? I thought your
     characterisation was excellent, especially when Jim eats the
     head of garlic. I did note a couple of comma splices, though,
     so you might want to fix those up if you plan to archive this
     somewhere.

   I'm working on a story myself. Do you want to read it over for
     me and let me know what you think? I'd be happy to do that for
     you in the future too. Again, wow!

   xox
     Kim

Scully checked for the comma splices, and sure enough, there they were. That was a bit embarrassing. She wrote Kim back, thanking her and taking her up on her offer to read each other's work. Knowing she had a friend who liked to write dirty stories too gave her more confidence.


Sunday morning, Scully checked her email again. There was a note from Mulder, asking her if she had the files on the Wisconsin Vampire Duck case, but there was no mention of her story. Holly had written her too:

   Dana,

   You go, girl! That was amazingly hot. I always thought there
     was a wild side to you. By the way, what Jill and Erica do
     with that zucchini isn't anatomically possible. Trust me, I've
     tried it. But that didn't take away from my enjoyment of the
     story. It's great to find another Produce Girrrl too!

   Holly

Scully was amazed! She had no idea that Holly had ever done anything that kinky with vegetables. She found it very intriguing, so she wrote back to ask a few questions. The email flew back and forth, hot and furious, as they discussed the erotic possibilities of many a fruit, vegetable, and kitchen implement. Finally, Holly suggested that Scully come over so they could talk more comfortably. Scully stayed all night.


Monday in the office, Mulder still made no mention of her story. And he was the one Scully had figured would appreciate it most! Maybe he hadn't received the mail. So she asked him.

"Did you get that story I sent you on the weekend, Mulder?"

"Yeah, thanks."

That was it? Well, fuck Mulder. Next time he wasn't getting a copy.


Scully spent a busy week, reading Kim's new story, fielding more invitations from the Gunmen, and reading some "how to write erotica" books. Friday night, she went over to Holly's with some cucumbers and non-fat yoghourt. Saturday morning, she worked on a new story called "Tzatziki." Kim loved it and gave her some really helpful comments. Scully mailed it out to everyone but Mulder. The response was even more enthusiastic than for her first story.

In the weeks that followed, Scully and Kim continued to write and they inspired both Skinner and the Gunmen to try their hands at it as well. Holly declared she couldn't write to save her life, but she was happy to provide technical expertise. A few of the stories got mailed to Mulder, but his lack of response soon had him deleted from the story circle address lists.

One weekend, they decided to have a party to celebrate choosing an official name for their group, Washington AC/DC. Langly spiked the punch, but Skinner didn't know he had and he spiked it too. Holly knew very well they both had, but she added a little more vodka just for fun. The party quickly escalated into a rather wild orgy.

Scully's cellphone rang. It was Mulder. He was lonely and he wanted to chat, but Scully was too distracted by Byers sucking her toes and she accidentally dropped her phone into the punchbowl, cutting Mulder off.

So, once again, poor, lonely Mulder had to spend his Saturday night having phone sex with Krycek instead of going to that great party, and all because he didn't write Scully back about her dirty story.

F I N I S

Feeling wracked with guilt? Don't write me; send some other feedback you've been meaning to get to instead.