Category: Humor/MSR Slash -- You Decide. :)
Summary: Mulder gets some.
Rating: R for sheer tastelessness and some naughty words.
Distribution: What the hell? ArchiveX. All others ask.
Spoilers: Nope!
Notes: Dusting off this oldie for Anne's Challenge! I'll be posting it to the ng as well, in hopes of earning a flame. <g>
Thanks to Hal -- Goddess of Constructive Criticism and Provider of Punch Lines.
Dedicated to Tamy, ListMistress of Scully Slash -- Not only the dearest friend one could ever hope for, but a strong woman who has acheived miracles on the 'net. You GO girl!

*****

Seduction in Peach
by Jen Collins

Mulder leaned back on Scully's couch, utterly pleased with himself.

The Ice Queen had finally relented. Or maybe 'came on to him' more precisely described the event.

His drummed his fingers on the couch, anxious to see Scully, as she had put it, *more comfortable*. He wondered just what he might have said that caused the metamorphosis from his mild and clinical partner to the white-hot seductress who rushed him from the bar to her apartment. It couldn't have been his rantings about the obvious conspiratorial aspects of managed care that ignited the blaze in her eyes and caused her to drive like a hormone-driven banshee, tires squealing not only around corners but even when the road was relatively straight.

The sound of rustling silk caused Mulder to turn his head. Framed by the doorway, lit from behind, Scully posed like a goddess in a lush, peach nightgown. The neckline plunged to reveal the white swells of her breasts.

Mulder goggled.

Scully stalked him with the rolling movements of a cat. Kicking aside the coffee table with a tiny, well-placed heel, she turned to Mulder. Her hands drifted seductively from her breasts to her hips. Her pouty lips curved into the most heart-stopping smile he'd ever seen. Her crotch loomed in his face.

Mulder blinked, not quite able to form an idea of what to do next. He *wanted* to grab her hips and bury his face in the musk between her legs...but he didn't quite dare and thought it might be a bad move.

Scully's white hands fluttered to the sash that closed the gown. Sliding open the knot in one deft movement, her lingerie floated to the floor, wafting the air with the faintest scent of Georgia peaches.

Not that Mulder noticed.

What concerned him was the bizarre anatomy he faced. That was...yes...that was definitely a *penis*. And what was that? A labia, if he remembered correctly. His brow knitted as his mind tried to assimilate the significance of all the extra equipment.

"Mulder."

"Whh-h-hat?"

"Blow me."

"Well...I...er...I *really* should be going. All those...uh... case files to be reviewed, you know." Mulder inched himself sideways, away from all those genitals.

Scully grasped the nape of his neck and bent to possess his mouth.

Alarm filled Mulder as his mind scrambled to remember whether hermaphroditism affected the oral cavity. Their lips touched.

Ah. This felt good. She tasted sweet. He felt a stirring in his jeans.

Scully released him suddenly from the kiss and repeated, "Blow me."

And his mind opened suddenly to all sorts of extreme possibities. Before he went down, he snuck another look at Scully's equipment.

Good God, she was hung.

*****

Kanyets!!!