Title - "Detachable Venus" (A 4-part Story)
Author - A. K. Naten
E-Mail - email@example.com
Rating - R / NC-17 / X
Category - F/F Slash
Spoilers - None
Keywords - Scully/Other
Summary - An account of a meeting with a red-haired stranger.
THIS IS A F/F SLASH PIECE. Persons under 18 should not read it. It is based in part on true-life experiences; however, names and places have been altered to protect the innocent.
DISCLAIMER: The character of Dana Scully belongs to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, Fox Broadcasting, etc., etc., and is used without permission; I'm just borrowing her. No copyright infringement is intended, etc., etc.
Feedback can be sent to: firstname.lastname@example.org
By A. K. Naten
Part 1 of 4
I sat in the club at my usual spot... stool on the very end, against the wall. It was the best spot for anonymous lurking. I didn't hang out here every night... not yet anyway... but I had begun frequenting the place enough that the official 'regulars' now knew who I was and what my routine was... so, much as I disliked it, I guess you could technically call me a 'regular'. It had taken me awhile to find a place where I felt comfortable, and now that I found it, I came about 3 times a week. The place was called 'Trojans', and as ridiculous as the name was, it was actually a rather quiet, low-key kind of joint. I didn't go there to chit-chat with anyone; I didn't go to pick up; I didn't go to perv and get off; I didn't go to drown my sorrows and get blasted... well... okay, maybe I came for a *smidgeon* of each of those things, but for something altogether different too. I just liked to have a place where I could come, have a drink, or 2 or 3, and be anonymous. A place where I could sit, silently, amongst fellow weirdos and not be bothered. There was some kind of security in it... knowing that most of the others around me were also solitary... maybe bored... maybe lonely... it was like a silent sort of comradery.
I guess you could say that it was a 'gay club', but it wasn't visited by gays only; there were some hetero's around... they were easy to spot. A gang of twenty-something girls sat together and talked excitedly, obviously having come to the place as a dare, or just so that they could tell their friends that they went to a 'gay' bar ... a guy and a girl, dirty-dancing with each other in one corner... a few guy/girl couples here and there, obviously friends who probably came for the good music and unique techno ambiance... you could tell who was who. Majority of the patrons were gay though. It was a relatively good mix of flaming fags decked-out in red leather pants and crisp white linen shirts; full-on dykes with stringy hair, sweaty tank shirts, and ratty cargo pants that drug on the floor when they walked; or your standard short-skirted cross-dressers and transvestites. Most of the women here didn't strike my fancy, but it was still fun to watch all the action. I wasn't really 'into' the grunge-look or the leather-jacket-tough-butch look.. Besides, I wasn't terribly interested in 'finding' someone. I mean, don't get me wrong, it would be *nice*, but it wasn't why I was here. I just liked to come and relax in the darkness of the bar, secure in the fact that most of the others here were bigger freaks than me.
I was watching a black 'woman' - dressed to the nines in a flowing Mexican-style red dress, complete with a black feather boa - dancing alone in one corner of the room. Obvious trannie, but the dress was beautiful, and her flowing hair - or her wig, whichever it was - bounced off her shoulders while she moved. She was in her own world, a twirling, whirling dervish bouncing in rhythm to the thumping music, oblivious to everyone's stares. I smiled to myself, amused at her flamboyance and impressed with her bravery. I'm not like that at all... I just preferred to sit on my little bar stool in the corner and just observe. I rarely spoke to anyone, and I ignored the occasional glances of curious onlookers. Yeah, I got some 'looks' from people, some men, but mostly women. I hated the obvious check-outs and huge stares... they might as well just let their tongues loll out of their mouths and salivate openly... christ. It's not like I'm some gorgeous supermodel babe - I think I'm really quite ordinary looking - but I still manage to get looks somehow. I'm guessing that it's due to the wild mass of long curls on my head and the intense gleam in my eyes ... or, it could be the 'severe' look that I wear - all black clothes with my pale face creating a stark contrast. Actually, I think the biggest reason I get stared at is because I look so unapproachable, sitting and brooding alone in a corner... maybe that in itself is an attraction for some people. Maybe they see it as a 'challenge'... well, it usually *is* a challenge. I've prided myself on being the one in control when it comes to relationships -whatever kind they are - and the flirtatious stage is no exception. Truth is, I like being unapproachable, and I like transmitting that with a mere 'look'. I get off on it. Yeah, I know... I'm weird.
For the most part, I ignore the looks that are flung my way. It's not often that I get a stare that sparks my interest. Most of them just don't 'do' anything for me. I have, of course, come to the conclusion that I'm a snob, but I really can't help it. It's something that is ingrained in me. I'd like to have a relationship with a woman, but she has to be a looker - a *real* woman. I realize it sounds confusing... I'm gay, but I consider myself a 'lesbian', not a dyke or a butch; therefore, I don't want anyone who is 'manly' in any way... I want a *woman*. Yes, okay... so I'm prejudiced too. And what are my chances of finding some beautiful fellow *lesbian* like this?? How about *nil*...? Yeah... so... so, I come to this place to avoid the lurking depression for awhile... to be surrounded by my fellow lonely, loveless queers... all searching for that perfect someone. Some settle for something less... some never find anything... I often wonder how I'll end up.
It was soon time for me to meander home. No one had sparked my interest tonight, and I had my usual drink limit - 3 kamikazes. The barkeep knew me well... 2 kami's and I wasn't in the mood to stay long; 5 or 6, and the depression had caught up to me. But tonight was just a normal night for me. Nothing exciting had happened; I had my drinks, took in a few stares here and there, watched the freaks, and now I was going home to bed. Carl came over to my side of the bar and gave me a slight grin while he fixed a drink.
"Seems we have another kamikaze drinker here tonight," he said with an arch of his eyebrow. I frowned at him, wondering if he just meant me, or someone else at the bar. Carl smirked at me and picked up the kamikaze, intentionally showing it to me, then turning around and delivering it. As he took the money for the drink, he turned and walked away, tossing another smirk in my direction and revealing to me the person who ordered the drink. An attractive, copper-haired woman with dark reddish lipstick perfectly painted on pouty rosebud lips. Hmmmm... the night just got a little more interesting... maybe I should have another kami...
She sipped her drink and closed her eyes while she swallowed it, tilting her head up and expelling a deep breath when she had finished. I tried not to be obvious in my scrutiny of her as I sipped carefully from my own glass while I shot diagonal glances at her. I was pretty sure I'd seen her here before; she had a face that you didn't forget... very pretty... very refined-looking. She wasn't a 'regular', but she'd been here. And she wasn't a dyke either... *she* was a woman. If I saw her on the street, I probably wouldn't think her to be a lesbian, but my guess was that she was 'newly gay'... probably closet, in fact... maybe not too comfortable with the idea either... not sure... She looked like she had intentionally dressed herself 'dangerously'... dark lipstick, made-up eyes, tight sweater... gelled hair... something told me that it wasn't her 'usual' look. So, I surmised that this was a little 'forbidden' foray for her, and that she was trying to 'let loose' and be someone else for the night. Yeah... we get lots of those in here. I smiled to myself and looked down at my empty glass, remembering when I first starting going out... 'experimenting'... I had done the same thing... tried to 'transform' myself into someone else until I got more comfortable with being gay. It's a hard thing to get used to, but eventually you do find yourself. If you don't, you go mad.
When I looked up, she was staring right at me. I managed to keep my face blank as I returned the look darkly and took a sip of my kami. She averted her gaze and took another sip of her drink as well, making sure she didn't make eye contact with anyone else. She looked a little uncomfortable, and I congratulated myself on establishing my dominance with a complete stranger from way across the bar.
Only a few minutes had passed when I noticed that a tough-looking dyke had sidled up to the redhead. This one was quite masculine, complete with a crew-cut hairdo and the typical cliche leather jacket. She was putting the moves on the redhead big-time, trying to talk to her and inching closer to her with each nod of her head. I nearly laughed out loud from the look on the redhead's face. It was one of pure haughtiness; she wore a prim but fake smile on her tight lips as she feigned politeness to the burly dyke, and she nearly rolled her eyes as she turned away. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from breaking in a huge smile. The redhead must have said something to discourage the leather-clad babe, because she finally left her side with an annoyed look on her face. Ooooo... the little goddess thinks she's too good for the average dykes... yesss indeeeed... this is my kind of woman. Just as I was smirking, she looked over at me again. I couldn't hide my grin... the scene had just been too amusing. She gave me a small, annoyed look and shook her head a little as she took a gulp of her drink. It just made me grin more as I watched her, observing her indignance and delighting in her obvious discomfort. A beautiful woman can't come into a place like this and *not* expect to be hit on... surely she must realize that?
During the next hour, a total of 4 women hit on the chic little redhead. She spurned all of them the same way, except for one. A classy-looking woman with beautiful, long blonde hair approached her and sat down beside her. The redhead didn't seem to mind her and chatted politely with her for a long time... I think I even saw her crack a smile. I found myself picking up signals that said she might not be gay...? Or, maybe she just wasn't interested in picking-up...? Or... maybe she was just a snob, like me? I couldn't be sure. I was only sure of one thing: this one definitely had my curiosity piqued. I left that night hoping to see her at the club again. I was most eager to learn more about her.
It was a full two weeks later when I saw the redhead again. Only it wasn't at the club.
I had just dropped off some blueprint designs to a contractor I was working with when I decided to stop off and grab a bite to eat somewhere. It was 2 p.m. and I was starving. I steered my Jeep into the parking lot of a little dive that I frequented only when in a pinch, and in my hunger-induced delirium, I decided that this was pinch-time. I was sitting in a booth chowing down a California burger when She walked in. I nearly dropped my sandwich. As I tried in vain not to stare at her, I saw that she had on a black trench coat with a black suit underneath it, some black high-heeled shoes, and none of the 'come hither' makeup nor attitude that was very evident at the club. She was a short little thing too... petite and dainty-looking. Tagging along behind her was a guy - a tall, lanky dork with boring brown hair and a big nose. He was also sporting a black trenchcoat and a dark suit with a bad tie. What were they, the fucking Men-In-Black?? They had to be cops of some sort... they *reeked* of it.
The guy walked up to the counter, but the redhead seemed to disagree and lead him over to a table that turned out to be pretty close to me. I pretended to read some papers that were in front of me as they headed toward me, determined to ignore her. However, as I turned my head to steal a sideways glance at her, she looked right at me. *Damn*. She gave me a quick, polite look at first, but then, as she realized who I was, her eyebrows shot upwards and her mouth fell open a bit in apparent shock. I quickly looked back at my papers, pretending not to care, but I knew full well that she knew who I was. I fiddled with my napkin, trying to decide if her look was shock, embarrassment, horror, or a combination of all three. The guy sat down and I heard him say, "Scully, what's wrong? Aren't you going to sit down?" ...'Scully', huh? Hmm... I got a name anyway. She mumbled something inaudible and sat down with her back decidedly turned toward me. I truly was *not* trying to eavesdrop on their conversation, but it was sort-of hard to avoid when they were so close. The guy did most of the talking anyway; she barely said a word.. They were talking about some case, and about forensics and autopsies, so they definitely were cops or detectives. With that revealed, I started wondering what in the hell the little redhead was doing hanging out at the club. Maybe she *wasn't* gay... maybe she was just doing surveillance? Maybe an undercover sting? Maybe tailing a suspect? ... the possibilities were endless. That would explain a lot of things though... the indignance at all the dykes hitting on her... the intentional solitary existence... the brevity of her visits. She was probably shitting herself right this minute because I had seen her, and now her cover was blown. Wow... I could be right smack in the middle of a delicate web of murder, intrigue, deception and spy versus spy stuff. I laughed quietly to myself as I took another bite of my burger. <Yeah, right... man, I must be *really* bored with my life,> I thought internally as I chewed. <*Not* a good sign>, I surmised. She was probably just tailing some trannie who was wanted on a drug charge.
The guy got up and headed toward the bathroom, leaving her alone at the table. With that, I made a quick decision to get up and leave. Not because I wanted to talk to her - I wouldn't force that on her - I just decided that I wanted to make eye contact with her again. I suddenly had a real need to look at her and make her aware that I knew who she was. Maybe it was my ridiculous need to establish 'dominance' again... maybe I was going to get off on it... I don't know. I just knew that I wanted her to look at me. My adamance about *not* being interested in her was failing me. I cursed my stupid pride and arrogance as I stood up and got ready to leave. Digging for some money in my pockets, I ventured a glance over at the redhead. She was looking down at the table, her face perfectly silhouetted. I tossed my money onto the table and casually glanced over at her again... this time she was looking right at me. Her eyes were blue... a mixture of icy crystal and sky blue that nearly matched my own, and her burnished copper hair stood out in stark contrast against her severe black suit. She was indeed lovely. I gave her a brief, but dark stare, allowing a very slight smirk to play upon my lips as I silently told her "yes, I know who you are". She blinked once but otherwise returned my look with impressive cool. Then she lazily slid her eyes away from mine and lifted her glass to sip her drink, deliberately turning and looking in the other direction as I put my coat on. The little head-game was over, and I felt a small triumph. I wore a little self-satisfied smile on my face as I turned and headed out the door.
End part 1
Part 2 of 4
I know it isn't a good sign when I wake up in the middle of the night dreaming about someone. And it's especially bad when it's someone I don't even know. Ahh, but it was a good dream. I was kissing 'Scully', the mysterious redhead, and it was niiiiiccee. We were really getting hot and heavy too. Why must I always wake up just when things are getting good?
I looked at the clock. ...3:15 a.m... With a groan I rolled over and tried to get back to my dream, but something was disrupting me... a slight throbbing between my legs. Oh yeah... it was a *realistic* dream too.....Damn... You see, I have this small 'thing' about masturbation. I don't mind if other people like to do it, but I have a slight hang-up about doing it myself. It's not that I find it repulsive, I just hate to 'give in' to it. First of all, I hate it that someone has gotten to me so much that I'm actually dreaming about them. Secondly, I hate that I have to take care of things myself, rather than having a lover do it for me. And thirdly... well... I guess the biggest problem is that I have to admit that I'm turned-on by someone. And somehow, in some stupid way, it's a blow to my pride to have to get myself off because of some raging sexual dream-fantasy. As my fogged mind struggled yet again with my ridiculous pride, my fingers managed to find their way down my stomach and into my warm, cream-filled snatch, and before long, I was releasing all my pent-up frustrations while visions of the little goddess named 'Scully' filled my woozy head.....Man, it really sucks to be alone...
Two more weeks had passed, and I hadn't seen 'Scully' again. I was sure that my running into her at the diner had everything to do with it, so I just figured that my fun was over. Too bad... The two dreams I had about her were delightful. ...okay ...*three* dreams.
You can imagine my surprise when I saw her at Trojans nearly four weeks after our 'meeting' at the diner. I had only been there about an hour and was busy doing my usual quiet observations when I spotted her walking toward the bar. She ordered a drink and scanned the room slowly, looking for me, I arrogantly surmised. God, I can be so full of myself sometimes that I nearly chuckled out loud. When she finally found me, I kept my trademark poker face intact and regarded her as coolly as possible. She only looked at me for a second, then took a sip of her drink and stared at it. I continued to watch her, wondering what was going through that pretty little head of hers. She picked up her glass and turned to leave, making my mouth twist in disappointment. The disappointment turned to shock, however, when I saw her make her way around a group of people and head straight toward me. < shit... shit...> I muttered inside my head. You see, when I don't know someone, I prefer long-distance, non-confrontational interactions... I dislike the up-close-and-personal stuff. And besides all that, *I* like to be the one to decide whether or not we talk face-to-face. Unfortunately, the stool beside me was vacant, and she approached it slowly, easing her petite body up onto it gracefully. I didn't watch her the whole time. I sipped my drink and did my best to stay calm and pretend like I didn't give a shit. When she finally sat still on the stool, I turned my head to look at her, giving her a slightly expectant look. It was my 'alright, you have my attention, now what do you want?' look. She pursed her lips and smiled tightly,
"I guess you're wondering why I came over here?" she said in a surprisingly sexy voice. I made a small face at her,
"Not really," I replied with a dismissive shrug, trying my best to play it cool. She arched an eyebrow and grinned at my response, revealing a brief glimpse of white teeth hiding behind her coral lips.
"Well," she started, sounding a bit indignant.
<Ha... got you,> I thought smugly to myself.
"I just wanted to say... 'thanks'," she said, seemingly shy for a moment.
"Thanks for what?" I asked, genuinely confused. She took a drink, pausing for a second.
"The other week, when we ran into each other... at the diner...," she explained.
"Ohh... that," I answered with a casual nod as I looked skyward and continued to play dumb.
"What about it?" I asked, frowning and pretending not to understand her.
"Well," she started, pausing again,
"I appreciate you not saying anything, or... acknowledging that you knew me, or anything like that."
<Ahh... little Ms. Scully has shameful little *secrets*>, I thought to myself. I frowned some more and shrugged,
"Why? What's the big deal?" I said, determined to pry information from her by playing stupid. She rolled her eyes a little and looked down into her glass with a sigh.
"Well... let's just say that," she paused, not looking at me,
"...I prefer it if my co-workers don't know about my night-life. I like to keep my personal life *personal*," she finished, looking up at me pointedly. I couldn't help but smirk at her.
"So... so you have secrets like the rest of us... so what?" I said arrogantly, shrugging and letting my blue eyes cut into her with a sharp stare.
"So, nothing," she said, looking a little surprised at my curtness.
"So... I just want to say 'thank you' for not embarrassing me, and that's all," she finished with a wave of her hand and started to get down off the stool.
"*Embarrassing* you?!" Now it was my turn to feign indignance. She turned around and looked at me with slight surprise on her face. I demanded an answer with my own wide-eyed, expectant expression. She made a small face at me,
"I think you know what I mean," she said with some annoyance. I regarded her with raised brows, then huffed and shook my head.
"Go home, copper... you don't belong here," I said curtly with a scowl on my face. I turned back to the bar, ignoring her and sipping my drink. I could feel the daggers she was throwing my way as she stood and stared at me, and I could almost hear her seething. I loved this... I loved a challenge like this. I continued to ignore her, determined not to even turn my head in her direction. It seemed like she stood there for five minutes, but it was really only a few seconds until I finally felt the billow of a cool breeze as she turned on her heel and walked away.
She didn't know it, but she left me grinning in her wake. Oh this one was a firecracker... definitely worth the challenge. It's been quite awhile since I've had someone present me with a good, worthwhile contest. She was sharp... she was intelligent... and she was feisty... I could tell a lot about her just from that brief exchange. As an added bonus, the little Venus smelled heavenly and was even more stunning up close. Yeah... this one had all the right ingredients.
Another hour and one more kamikaze, and it was time to go. I had my visual and mental stimulation for the night, so I was quite ready to head home. I slowly sauntered out of the club and onto the crusty, decomposed sidewalk. A few fellow losers were heading in and we gave each other polite smiles as we passed. I stood outside for a moment, breathing in the city-fresh air. It wasn't the finest quality, but at least it wasn't filled with cigarette smoke. The worst part about the club is that you leave smelling and feeling like an ashtray. It made me appreciate the walk to my car a little more; I felt like I at least got a chance to air-out my clothes. I never parked close to the club - mainly because it was impossible - but also because I liked to walk around the city. I suppose it isn't the safest thing to do, but aside from all its crime, filth, decay, unemployment, abandoned buildings, pot-hole-riddled streets, crumbling sidewalks, and general malaise... the city was really quite beautiful at night. As I walked along the dimly lit streets, subtle warm breezes rustled the trees, making the few remaining white blossoms rain down upon me like a snow shower. All was silent save for the distant sounds of whirring car tires on worn asphalt, and the buzzing of overhead street lamps.
I reached my Jeep and hopped in, taking my good 'ole time getting home. No one was waiting, afterall. About 2 minutes into my drive, I sensed that a car seemed to be following me. Normally I wouldn't notice, but at 1:30 a.m., it sort-of stood out. They hung back pretty far, but at every alley I cut through, the lights eventually followed me. Hmm... I wasn't panicking; it was just odd. For a brief moment, I suspected that it could be Her. But, after I was done laughing at my arrogance, I told myself that she was probably long gone by now. When I reached my apartment, I waited in the car for a few moments. I watched behind me and saw no lights... looked like I was just imagining things, so I hopped out and went inside.
Home sweet home... empty, but still home. I really wasn't too tired.
<Maybe I'll have some ice cream and see what's on the telly,> I thought to myself. Just for the hell of it, I didn't turn the lights on, and I walked up to the window to peek out.
Son of a bitch. Somebody in a dark 4-door sedan had pulled in front of my Jeep, and they were sitting there... watching me. Call me an impulsive idiot, but I yanked the front door open and took off, too angry to think about the possibility of an axe-murderer stalking me. I sprinted down the walk toward the dark sedan, ready to give the stalker an x-rated tongue-lashing. As soon as I neared the car, however, I stopped dead in my tracks.
It was Her.
My anger suddenly abated. My arrogance was right... she had followed me home. Should I be angry? Hmm... maybe... but I was actually kind-of flattered... is that sick?
I approached the side of her car cautiously. My hands went to perch on my hips as I looked at her, silently asking her what the hell she was doing here. She rolled down the window and stared up at me, expressionless, but with something unreadable in her eyes.
"So... are you going to come inside, or what?" I said as I leaned my hands on the side of her car. She ignored me and looked out the windshield, sighing as though she just gave up a big fight with herself.
<Ha... score another one for the master...> I thought to myself triumphantly. With that, I turned and headed back into the apartment, leaving the door open for her to come in if she wanted to. She took her time getting there, obviously still waging that battle inside her head a little bit. Once inside, she closed the door and stood there, looking around silently, not saying anything. I walked up to her and crossed my arms, staring at her.
"So, Detective *Scully*... do I get a first name?" I asked with a smirk. She jutted her jaw out a little, her eyes glaring with some defiance. She was probably pissed that I knew her name.
"I don't like to get too personal... I already told you that," she said with a wicked arch of one brow. I stepped a little closer to her and looked at her intently,
"Well I don't like complete anonymity... so we're going to have to compromise someplace," I replied as I loomed down at her, trying my best to intimidate her with my big height advantage. I was trying to bully her, and I knew it, but I wanted to press her buttons a little... test the waters a bit. She stared back at me, unflinching. Her icy blue orbs flickered and radiated pride. Oooo... they were deadly. I was going to have to be careful of those. I wondered if she knew what weapons of destruction they were... very beautiful... they could eat me alive. Her eyelids blinked lazily as she finally acquiesced to my dominance.
"My name's Katherine," she said as she reopened her eyes and looked at me while offering her hand for a shake.
<...score another one...> I thought to myself. Katherine... I would bet that that was bullshit, but it was okay for now... I'd find out who she really was later.
"Katherine... my name's Liz," I replied as I reached out to shake her hand in return. Hmm... firm handshake, but not too tight... very nice... professional.
"Mind if I call you Kate?" I asked as I turned and headed into the kitchen.
"Uhh... no... I guess not," she replied with uncertainty as she walked into the living room and looked around.
"A church, huh? ...interesting...," she said as she looked up and down at the interior of my former-church apartment.
"Yah... I thought it was a bit more unusual and interesting than the typical place," I replied with a shrug as I presented her with a glass of wine.
"Is that what you prefer? 'Unusual and interesting'?" she asked with another wicked eyebrow arch as she sipped from her glass.
"Sometimes," I said with a matching arch and slight smirk.
"What about the other times?" she asked, her voice growing more and more husky with each utterance.
"Depends on what kind of mood I'm in," I replied noncommittally. She answered back with a restrained grin and another arching brow.
"What about you? ...what do you prefer?" I asked, not wanting to let her off the hook just yet. She shrugged slightly,
"I'm pretty much... 'mainstream', I guess," she said, looking off in another direction.
"Mmm... 'mainstream'..., except for your little 'dark side' escapades to gay clubs, eh?" I queried, looking at her over the rim of my flute as I sipped.
She looked back at me and fired off one of those eyebrows again,
"Maybe." She said simply as her eyes blinked lazily again. I almost let my wine dribble down my chin as I smiled tight-lipped at her. Ahh... she liked to play. Yes, yes... this was what I liked. Once I swallowed my mouthful, I gave her a little laugh and headed toward the couch.
"Come and sit down," I said, motioning to her. She hesitated at first, but then came over to sit down at the end opposite me. She was definitely not sure about all this. Hell, this could even be the first time she'd done something like this. That surprised me for some reason.
"You seem awfully unsure of yourself for a cop." I stupidly spat it out before I really thought.
"I'm not a cop," she spat back with a little indignance. I made a surprised face at her.
"Oh? You just pack heat underneath a black trenchcoat for the hell of it, eh?" I said sarcastically. She didn't flinch.
"Yeah, maybe I do," she replied tartly, trying to gain control and appear more sure of herself. She had already made the mistake of showing me that she wasn't though, so it was pointless now. ...Gotta give her credit for trying though. I decided to defer to her wishes and just answered her with a knowing grin. She only looked back at me for a short while, then she got up and walked over to my bookshelves, quietly observing all the trinkets, decorations, and knick-knacks that I had sitting around. I let her go, not saying anything; besides, it was much nicer observing her for the moment. She was short, but nicely built. A pretty, feminine face that was strong, with an aristocratic nose and an angular, determined chin. Her eyes were intelligent, yet vulnerable... I noticed that they never looked at me for more than a few seconds.
"You have a lot of... *unusual* things around here," she said as she returned to the sofa.
"Mmm, well... I like unusual antiques and historical things," I answered with a shrug. She turned her attention to the little figurines I had sitting on the coffee table, picking one of them up and examining it carefully. She was stalling for time... looking for a way to get more comfortable with me and break the ice between us. That was alright... I understood her hesitation. I let her go for a few moments before I spoke.
"That's a little ushabti," I explained.
"Egyptian, right?" she asked. I shook my head in affirmation and scooted a little closer to her.
"Yeah. They were miniature 'servants' that were placed in the tombs of the dead," I continued as I took the figurine from her hand.
"For what purpose?" she asked quizzically.
"Uhmm... they were supposed to 'fill-in' for the deceased person and take care of their work for them in the afterlife." I said.
"You mean the Egyptians didn't believe in retirement? Even if you died?" she queried with a smirk. I smirked back,
"Apparently not. They depended on the 'shabtis to magically come to life and take care of all their shit-work for them." I said with a grin and a wag of my eyebrows. She gave a little laugh and smiled at me as I continued.
"See... they usually held a hoe, pick, or some other tool in their hands, indicating that they were ready to work when called upon by Osiris," I explained, pointing to the object held in the hand of my particular 'shabti. She gave another smile as I handed it back to her, and I watched her finger it carefully, thinking of the look in her eyes when I spoke to her. She looked... sad... lonely... 'haunted' somehow. I could sense great complexity and confusion lurking behind her aqua soul-doors. She looked at me almost innocently... with trust... or at least that she wanted to trust. She looked like she had a ... a longing... like she was looking for something. <Hell... aren't we all?> I thought to myself. She finally put the 'shabti down and looked up at me thoughtfully.
"Why do you go to that club?" she asked seriously. I couldn't help but grin and laugh a little. She just quirked her eyebrow, indicating that she still expected an answer. I leaned back on the sofa and shrugged my shoulders.
"I dunno... its someplace to go... relax... have a few drinks... and feel secure that no one is going to hit on me." I finished with a sly grin. Her brows shot up further.
"No one hits on you? How come they hit on me?!" she asked incredulously. I grinned again,
"You're new," I explained through a smirk. She rolled her eyes and made a disgusted noise with her mouth. I leaned toward her a little bit,
"I think the more important question is, why have *you* started going there?" I queried with my own arched brow. She smiled and took a slow sip of her wine, stalling again. Sitting her glass down, she leaned back on the sofa and looked at me.
"I dunno, really," she said with a shrug.
"I guess I'm like you in that I just want a place to hang out where I won't be bothered and stared at." I chuckled,
"Well, I hate to tell you, but looking the way you do, you'll never achieve that." I explained as I too sat back. She looked at me accusingly,
"What do you mean by that?"
"Nothing, I just mean... well... you're a... a very pretty woman, Katherine,"
I said hesitantly, feeling a wave of embarrassment suddenly wash over me.
I actually felt *embarrassed* to tell her that I found her attractive. Why?! Normally I don't have a problem with that... but I suddenly felt very strange saying it in front of her. That was bad... that was a sign that I *really* liked her.
<Stay detached, asswipe... don't blow it,> I scolded myself. She answered my compliment with a mumbled "thank you," and a bashful smile as she turned her suddenly reddened cheeks away from me. It eased my nerves a little to know that I wasn't the only one feeling self-conscious. She was shy... I liked that.
"I'm not interested in 'picking up'... I just want a place where I can go and relax and feel... 'safe'," she said softly as she turned back to look at me again. I nodded in response,
"I don't go there to 'pick up' either... I just... well... I guess I want the same... y'know," I admitted with a shrug. We just stared at each other for a second, the sea-green ocean locking with the deep blue sky.
"So... what are we doing *here* then?" I said with wide eyes, wanting to break the serious silence a little. She cracked a smile for a moment, but then grew serious again. She turned toward me a bit more and leaned in closer, causing all kinds of alarms to go off inside my head.
"I'm not trying to pick you up," she whispered as she drew nearer to my face. My heart skipped a few beats... she was so close to me... I was having trouble breathing... damn...
"Well then... what *are* you doing, exactly?" I managed to murmur as I glanced down at her supple lips and back up to her eyes. They seemed to be glowing in a blue hue, like a deadly gas flame. Oh shit I wanted to kiss her. <No, no... stay in control...> I cautioned myself.
"I don't know yet," she whispered back to me, her voice low and sexy. Her face moved even closer to me as she closed-in and licked her lips in slow-motion. I could feel her faint breath on me as her lips descended softly on mine to form a slow, languid kiss. She tasted like the wine, and her lips were small and perfect, dainty and delicate. I could easily swallow her whole, but I was determined to let her set the pace. My control would be in staying calm... keeping my emotions and my wants reigned-in. I didn't even move my hands to touch her; I just sat motionless against the couch until she broke the kiss and looked deeply into my eyes. I gave her a small smile,
"You be sure to let me know when you've figured it out, alright?" I said with a whisper and a grin.
"Mmm... okay," she said with a little smile as she leaned in to kiss me again.
I could hold-off on the first kiss, but this was too much. With every drag and suckle of her tender lips, I could feel myself getting very turned-on. She was like a little sex kitten, curling up beside me... purring and lapping at me with a little wet tongue... goading me into playing with her. My brain was doing backflips, and my stomach twisted painfully into knots of anxiety. She was *so* sexy, and the hesitant little kisses that she was planting on me were driving me to the brink of my sanity. I wanted to touch her very, *very* badly.
I knew I was history when my hands finally betrayed me and slithered across her thighs and up her back to pull her body toward me. She gave in much too easily as her legs split apart and she slid onto my lap, fully straddling me. She was petite and light, and we seemed to fit together perfectly. Our tongues danced together, flicking in and out, tasting and exploring... as she was a goddess, it was truly divine. She pushed her fingers into the long curls of my hair as we stepped-up the intensity of our kisses even further. Our front teeth clinked together and we both smiled and laughed a little, amazed at the sudden ferocity of our meeting. I pressed her back into me so that our bodies were touching, and I held her firmly as we kissed deeper and deeper. My palms slid around her back and down her sides, quickly finding the opening of her sweater at the base of her pants. They swiftly lead my fingers inside to caress the bare, warm skin of her back as I pulled her in to swallow her whole. She breathed against me in an open-mouthed gasp as I pushed my hands around her sides and found her silk-clad breasts. I spread my palms over the satiny, fleshy mounds, squeezing and kneading them gently. Just as I was ready to move in for the kill, she broke the kiss and pulled back away from me.
Shit... too much.
<Dammit,> I hissed to myself.
"What?" I whispered quietly as she closed her eyes and grimaced.
"What's wrong?" I asked again, hoping she would say "nothing" and we could continue. I only touched her a little... she can't have a problem with that, can she? She shook her head a little,
"I'm sorry," she whispered thru closed eyes as she leaned back and slid off my lap quickly... too quickly. She got up and hurriedly grabbed her coat and purse off the couch.
<Okay, okay... she doesn't like to be fondled... I can do "do not fondle"... just give me another chance,> I thought to myself. I hopped off the couch too and went over to her as she was hastily yanking her jacket on.
"Katherine... wait... d-did I do something wrong?" I asked, gently grabbing her arm. She wouldn't look at me, but I could see tears rapidly filling her eyes.
"No... it's not you... I'm sorry," she said, finally looking up at me with watery eyes full of genuine remorse. I opened my palms and hunched my shoulders in a shrug, forming a "W" with my lips, but before I could say the "What...?", she interjected,
"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry... I-I shouldn't have come... I shouldn't have done this..." she stammered as she started backing up toward the door. I'm sure I must have looked at her like she had 2 heads... I'd never had anyone totally bolt on me like this. My brows crinkled fiercely in confusion.
"I'm so sorry... really...," she said as she shook her head and continued to back-peddle.
"Wait, Katherine... I understand... it's okay... we don't have to --" I said as I began walking toward her, trying to stop her from running, but she interrupted again, putting her hand out to stop me from approaching her,
"No... no, I-I can't... I'm sorry," she said, her voice cracking nervously as she shook her head more and opened the door.
"...I'm *really* sorry," she finished as she opened the door and scurried out like a frightened animal. I stood in the doorway and watched her jog down the walk toward her car. She hopped in and immediately sped away and into the night. All I could do was stand there and shake my head, wondering what in the hell just happened.
End part 2
Part 3 of 4
I spent the rest of the night sleepless, moping around wondering what had gone wrong, and whether I'd ever see Katherine again. Although I seriously doubted it, I secretly held out hope that she would return with an explanation for me. It would be such a shame not to see her again... I really did like her, and we seemed to have that elusive 'chemistry' that is so ideal. She might - dare I say it? -even be what I've always been looking for. Well... what I've been looking for *except* for the apparent neurosis about being touched. Maybe it wasn't the touching... maybe it was just that we don't really know each other... or maybe she just felt that things were moving a bit fast.
<Yeah, but *she* made the first move, not me,> I thought to myself.....Yeah, anyway... So it wasn't my fault... was it? Oh fuck it. As much as I was attracted to her - and I knew I was in a big way - I knew I wouldn't have the patience to wait around for some beautiful but unstable woman to decide what she wants. It was the same old shit... this part had happened to me before, you see. <Christ... I'll be fucking single *forever*...> I thought pessimistically. I decided to add a healthy slug of brandy to the cup of coffee I was now drinking to see if perhaps I could numb myself to sleep. Sure enough, within an hour, I found myself getting very comfortable watching bad sitcom reruns while curled up on my ratty old couch. For a change, I looked forward to going to work in the morning... at least it would take my mind off this depressing and confusing night. Unfortunately, however, it would not take my mind off Katherine Scully.
The next week dragged on dreadfully slow. I spent lots of time tapping my pencil on the edge of my desk while staring out the window, daydreaming about the lovely little red-haired Venus. I hated the fact that I was thinking about her, because she really pissed me off by bolting. The more I thought about the whole thing, the angrier I got. I don't like to be ditched... especially so abruptly. I had only been ditched twice before, and both times it was by little beauties who got wigged-out by my intensity. See, I don't just sleep with anyone for the hell of it... well, not anymore anyway. I have to *like* the person, and I have to be genuinely attracted to them. And, I like to come on strong, to see if they've got what it takes up front. So... maybe that is construed as intense... but its only because I need to make sure that the person isn't a total loser. I want someone who has some substance... someone who can handle the intensity and is willing to come back for more. So where's the crime in that, huh? What bothered me most about Katherine was *why* she had bolted. I mean, you don't come on to someone like a freight train and then flip out when they return the overture. It just didn't make sense, and that's why it bothered me. I finally came to the conclusion that Katherine was 'new' at being gay, and that I was perhaps one of her first attempts at having an 'encounter'. She was most likely still in the 'turmoil and inner struggle' stage, so I surmised that she simply didn't know how to handle it yet, period. It really was a shame... I would very much have liked being her 'encounter'. I tried to convince myself to forget about her... it wouldn't be wise to get involved with someone who was unsure and had a tendency to take flight when things got hot-n-heavy... I'd had enough of that shit in my life... no sense inviting more... just forget about her... yeah, yeah... that's the ticket.
I noticed in the next few weeks that I had been hanging out at the club less and less. Why, I don't know. Maybe I was getting bored with it... maybe it wasn't helping me 'relax' anymore... maybe I was just tired of the freak-show. I reluctantly acknowledged that I was at a stage in my life where I could easily become despondent if I wanted to. I had only a mediocre job that barely held my interest... I lived alone... I wasn't particularly close to my family... I lived alone... I didn't have very many close friends... I lived alone... I hadn't had a meaningful relationship with anyone in ages... and, oh yeah... I lived by myself too. I did my best to fight off the depression though. My motto was: what good does being depressed do? It doesn't change anything, it just makes it seem worse. It was sometimes hard to fight it though.
I was thinking of Katherine less and less too. I suppose that was a good thing, being that I probably would never see her again. On occasion I had some "I wonder what might have been" type ponderances strike me, but that was about it. I also briefly entertained the thought of tracking her down like a psycho, but the fact that she was a cop stopped those thoughts pretty abruptly. After a few months, I nearly forgot about her completely.
Isn't that how it always happens?
Once again, I was on my way home from work when I remembered that I needed some things at the store. We were having a nice early-summer rainstorm, so I parked my Jeep and sprinted into one of my favorite little markets to grab the stuff. I whisked thru the store with my basket and was almost done when I rounded the corner of the bread aisle,
.... and there She was.
She had a navy blue suit on and a basket hanging off her arm, her orange hair grabbing my attention as she snatched a loaf of bread off the shelf. I actually stopped dead in my tracks and my jaw went completely slack. I stared at her for what seemed to be an eternity as all the feelings I had pushed aside now came stealing back into my head... Dammit... It was almost painful to look at her again, which really surprised me. I hadn't realized how much I had fought my attraction to this woman until that very moment. As she dropped the bread into her basket and started to turn toward me, it seemed like everything moved in slow-motion. She pushed some hair away from her eyes and began to lift her head up, and I panicked. I quickly spun around so that my back was toward her, and I took off around the corner from whence I came. I had no idea if she saw me or recognized me... all I suddenly cared about was getting the hell out of there... fuck getting the bread that I desperately needed.
I got up to the cashier and, of course, there was a line. Shit! Why is that *always* the situation when you're in a desperate hurry?! I seriously contemplated dumping my entire basket and just bolting. Luckily my cool head prevailed, and I convinced myself to wait patiently. Someone soon came up behind me in line, so I figured I was somewhat safe from being spotted. I just stared straight ahead, not daring to turn around and look for her.
<Damn... I was looking forward to a nice, relaxing weekend of doing nothing... now I'll be thinking about *Her* all weekend... shit...> I thought to myself with a sigh. As I moved to put my stuff onto the check-out counter, my arm bumped the person behind me. I turned to apologize, managing only to get out, "Oh I'm sorr--" when I saw who I had bumped...
She was the one standing behind me... *intentionally* standing *closely* behind me, I might add. Our eyes locked. I held very still, not even blinking. My jaw clenched together tightly. She finally quirked one corner of her mouth,
"You weren't even going to say 'hello' to me?" she asked quietly. I looked back at her gravely, my eyes threatening to catch fire,
"No." I responded point-blank. Her eyes widened a little, apparently shocked by my remark.
"Wow... that's pretty bad," she murmured as she blinked rapidly and looked downward.
"Well, what did you expect?" I said curtly. I felt my anger spike as I looked at her bowed head. She expected me to be thrilled to see her? To throw my arms around her and give her a big kiss 'hello'?? What the fuck was she thinking?! I was glaring at her now, and I knew it... and I didn't care. She looked back up at me.
"I owe you an explanation... I realize that," she said apologetically. I said nothing, I just continued to stare at her with dark, unyielding eyes. She blinked some more and darted her eyes away,
"Could you please not... *stare* at me... like that?" she said, her voice quavering nervously. Good... I was getting to her... I wanted to unnerve her. I wanted her to feel my anger. I still said nothing, and I still stared at her, my lips pursed tightly. She licked her lips and closed her eyes for a moment.
"Listen...," she began, her head bowed,
"Could we... go someplace and... talk," she said quietly, finally looking up at me.
"I'd like to try to... explain... okay?" she said, looking at me with sad, blue eyes that asked forgiveness. The check-out clerk broke our little showdown with a rude, 'Are you gonna buy this stuff, or what?!', so I turned and paid for my basket of goodies quickly while Katherine continued to watch and wait for an answer. I said nothing as I grabbed my bags, but before I walked out, I turned to her,
"Y'know... I don't think I give a damn about your 'explanation', Katherine," I said coldly with a dark scowl. Then I turned away and walked out the door of the market, leaving her standing there with an open-mouthed, shocked expression on her face.
Okay... so I'm a bitch... but I can't help it. Seeing her again upset me, and I was pissed that she acted like I should have welcomed her with open arms. She ditched me. She came on to me, and then she left abruptly with no explanation whatsoever. That justifies treating her like shit, and maybe even a little worse, in my book. I didn't need this. I mean, she seemed like a nice girl, and she was smart and beautiful and all that shit... but I just don't *need* to be jerked around by someone who doesn't know what the fuck they want, y'know?! I would be stupid to get involved with someone like that... wouldn't I??
<...just forget about her...> I told myself as I drove home. <...it's fucking impossible, so just *forget* her...> I thought miserably. Too bad I hadn't stopped at a liquor store... I had a feeling I was going to be needing a couple shots of vodka on the rocks tonight.
Somewhere around 11:00 p.m., I thought I heard a knocking on my door. I had the television turned up a bit loud to drown-out the sounds of my arguing next-door neighbors, so I wasn't sure what the noise was. I hauled my almost-drunken ass up off the sofa to see what it was. Peering out the peep-hole, I didn't see anything, but I opened the door anyway.
There She was... again.
She looked up at me with those soulful sea eyes, hair and clothes soaking wet, making her look like a drowned rat. She proved to be an immediate cure for my state of near-intoxication. I stared at her wide-eyed, genuinely surprised to see her.
"You might not want to hear my explanation, but at least let me apologize to you," she said, her eyes looking right at mine but then drifting down to my chest, like a child who had done something shameful. Damn... I'm a sucker for watery, sad eyes. She looked back up at me as I stared at her, uncompromising and stiff-jawed. Several silent seconds passed until I finally broke my stare and looked away, sighing heavily. It was probably a bad idea to invite her inside. Even though I really *did* want to hear the explanation, I did *not* want to get myself all wound-up over this woman again. The heart can only take so much, you know, and alcohol tends to bring out the worst in me. ...But how could I resist that face... and those eyes... and those lips... Dammit! ...Dammit! @#$%&*!!
"Come in," I finally conceded, opening the door wider to allow her inside. She gave me a little smile of thanks and stepped in.
"Something to drink?" I asked her lightly as I walked past her and into the kitchen.
"Uhm... no, thanks... I can't stay long," she said quietly as she crossed her arms and stood in the middle of the living room looking uncomfortable. I poured myself a new drink and walked out to stand in front of her, sipping from my glass and looking at her expectantly. She just looked at me with those rosebud lips and nervous aqua orbs... I told myself to stay sharp... I couldn't afford to be captivated by her beauty right now.
"You wanted to tell me something?" I said, my voice tinged with a hint of smart-ass. She took a deep breath and looked down, garnering strength, I supposed.
"I... I just wanted to... apologize," she said as she looked up at me,
"...for leaving so suddenly... I just...," she hesitated and shrugged her shoulders,
"...I dunno... I just got a little scared... and I wasn't prepared for things to move so... quickly... I guess...," she shook her head and looked absently at my chest. I stared hard at her the entire time, not flinching.
"You're *staring* at me again," she said as she looked up and gave me a brow-arch. I gave her one more good glare, then turned to sit my glass down on the nearby table. When I turned back, I said nothing... I just stepped up to her and quickly slid my hands into her hair, smothering her lips with a burning kiss.
I don't know what came over me, honestly. I just wanted to kiss her and take her off-guard. Maybe I just wanted to get right down to it and see if she was going to bolt again... no point in beating around the bush, right? I actually expected her to push me away, so I was quite surprised when she wrapped her arms around me and opened her mouth beneath mine. My stomach did a double-flip and a hot flush spread upward from my chest to my face when I felt her tongue snaking out to taste me. She stabbed delicately, sweeping along my teeth and tangling gently with my tongue. I didn't dare to deepen the kiss - I let her set the pace for now, and she did. She pulled my body closer to her, touching our breasts and stomachs together as she pushed her hands up my back and clutched me tightly.
She tasted of wine... or was that me? ...and I could smell a mixture of shampoo and perfume on her skin. I snaked my arms around her waist and pulled us together even closer, kissing her deeply. She let a quiet groan seep into my mouth as her fingers reached up and twined in my hair. She kept surprising me... I had only wanted to kiss her... I didn't expect her to try to suck my lips off my face. Nevertheless, we continued to kiss hungrily, our excitement escalating with each heaving breath. I needed to sit down, or lie down, or something... no... wait... wait, wait, *wait*... what was I doing?! Shit!... I didn't want to do this!... I had to get *control* back... I suddenly broke the kiss and separated us, placing my hands on her shoulders. She looked up at me with foggy, confused eyes, her lips red and slightly swollen.
"I accept your apology, Katherine," I said as I pinned her with a dark gaze. She looked at my chest for a moment, biting on her upper lip.
"My name isn't Katherine... it's Dana," she said quietly. The glare reappeared in my eyes as I looked back at her,
"I see," I replied curtly with a slight nod of my head.
"...Anything else you want to clarify, *Dana*?" I asked pointedly as I dropped my hands from her shoulders. She looked away, pursing her lips together, then looked back at me.
"Yes... I don't intend to leave this time," she said assuredly, looking me right in the eyes.
"Really?" I said, my voice laced with doubt and sarcasm.
"...Really...," she replied softly as she brought her hands up to the buttons of her shirt and began to pop them open, revealing herself to me.
End part 3
Part 4 of 4
I stood still, remaining completely calm as she finished undoing the buttons and dropped the shirt to the floor, standing before me in just blue jeans and a black brassiere. She stared at me unwavering as she reached for my hands and placed my palms on the skin of her chest. She was showing me that she wanted this... that she was no longer afraid... but somehow I still had my doubts. I stood there for a moment, wondering what to do. It was one of the few times when I was unsure of my next move. Should I go for it and let myself be momentarily entertained by the little goddess? ...or should I just forget about it and spare myself the pain that would undoubtedly be forthcoming when she once again bolted away.....what to do... what to do...
Fuck it. I hadn't been laid in so long, I almost forgot what it was like. I needed to have a good time, and I could keep myself detached... couldn't I? ...of course I could... I did it all the time. I could tell myself to just enjoy her and not go beyond that... right? ...sure I could.
I lifted my hand up to touch her cheek. So soft... so smooth... she seemed almost innocent. I looked at her with smoldering eyes... suddenly wanting nothing more than to burn her with their intensity. I wanted to consume her with passion... feast on her like a ravenous animal... and make her call out for divine intervention. My need for power and control began to rear its ugly head as the want surged through my veins. I felt like my hands were on fire as I reached down and took hold of one of her hands and pulled her toward the bedroom.
When we reached the darkened room, I knelt down in front of her and unzipped her jeans, tugging them down and off of her. She remained still as I pulled her panties down and off, then stood back up and unclasped her bra and tossed it aside. She must have known that I wanted to dominate her to test her assuredness, because she didn't even bat an eyelash. In fact, her eyes radiated a passion of their own... burning and flaming inside that pretty little head of hers while her chest heaved excitedly. Oooo... this could be promising.
I didn't touch her anywhere, I just stepped close to her and slipped my hands around her neck, dipping my head down to kiss her lips softly. She reached her arms around me and kissed me back, darting her tongue out to dance with me. I backed her up to the bed so that she sat down on it, and I climbed up, pulling on her arm so that she lay down beside me. She moved cautiously, probably unsure of what I wanted, exactly. That was okay... she'd find out soon enough. I pulled our bodies together and slid my jean-clad thigh between her naked ones so that she straddled mine, and I leaned forward to kiss her again. She moved her hands to my shirt and started to pull it upward, obviously wanting to remove it. Without saying anything, nor removing my lips from hers, I brushed her hand away and continued to dine on the sweet taste inside her mouth.
After a few minutes of intense lip-locking, I rolled us over so that she was on her back, then I grasped her wrists, pulling her arms up over her head while pinning her with a smoldering look and an evil grin. She looked back at me, quirking a nervous little smile that said she wasn't sure about all this.
"Do you like to play, or do you just wanna fuck?" I whispered roughly against her lips as I straddled her, still fully clothed, and ground my hips against hers a little. I could see her chest rising and falling rapidly, and her eyes looked a little scared. It made me grin wickedly.
"I... want you to take off your clothes," she managed to whisper. I shook my head,
"Not yet... first I want to play," I whispered again. She said nothing, just stared at me with wide eyes as I pushed myself back and began to devour her nude form silently with my eyes while touching her delicately with my fingertips. I leaned down to place a soft kiss underneath her jaw, then pressed my lips to her ear,
"Don't worry... I won't hurt you," I said softly, placing a kiss on her cheek.
"I know you won't," she whispered quietly, but with surprising assurance. It made me pull back and look at her. Her eyes were suddenly steady and sure, and it made my mouth twist into a little smile. Oooo... she was so cocksure?... hmmm... I liked that. On the other hand... that could be bad too... that made me want to force her into submission... punish her a little... like I said before, I wanted her to beg for divine intervention.....Aren't I a sadistic fuck?
I leaned down toward her very slowly, and when I was within striking distance of her mouth, she parted her lips, wanting to kiss me, but I teased her instead, sticking the tip of my tongue out to lick her lips gently. I could feel the warm gasps of air against my face as I continued the assault along her jaw... down her throat... across each clavicle... I wanted to feel her skin quiver beneath my lips... feel her muscles tense beneath my palms... and taste the end result with my waiting tongue.
I let my lips skim lightly across the flawless surface of her ivory soft skin, barely touching it. I kissed and nibbled delicately, not missing a single square inch, and stopping just briefly to gently suck her nipples. Her back arched up off the bed when my lips closed around the hardened buds. Ahhh... a weak spot... I'd definitely have to come back to those later... right now my mission was to drive her crazy, and judging from the way she was squirming, I'd say I was right on-target.
Her petite body was so divine, I could have feasted on it all night... but I was beginning to get hungry for more than just skin. As I worked my way down her stomach to her thighs, she pushed her fingers into my hair, digging her nails into my scalp as I neared her groin. I couldn't help but smile as the tip of my nose neared the soft tuft of hair at the juncture of her thighs... this hair had the same herbal, flowery smell as the hair on her head, and for some reason it made me break into a huge smile. The feeling of her hands pushing my head downward told me that she was getting anxious, so I decided to stop fooling around.
I pushed my nose into her hair, letting the warm air from my nostrils infiltrate her as I exhaled. Sliding my hands down to her knees, I pushed her thighs apart as she mindlessly clenched and unclenched handfuls of the hair on my head. Her thighs yielded open to me, and I let my lips wander down to feel their welcoming warmth. Her sweet aroma filled my nostrils as I kissed her outer lips, being careful not to delve in just yet. I couldn't see how wet she was, but I didn't need to... I could smell the glistening juices that trickled from her, and I could hardly wait to lap at them. I felt her shudder as my warm breath gusted over her, and she gasped aloud when my tongue finally slipped down, delving into her honey-drenched folds. She let out a groan and dug her nails into my scalp as I lapped delicately at her, savoring each little morsel with my lips and tongue. She writhed slowly and clenched her fists in my hair again as she slowly moved her hips back and forth... drawing away from me, then pushing up into my face. She was warm, creamy, and soooo sweet... I wanted to devour her. She made little, breathy "Uhh" and "Mmm" noises, and I could feel her excitement slowly building. Before she came though, I decided that I wanted to feel her naked flesh against mine... I wanted my skin to feel her skin when it tensed... I wanted to feel the hot rush spread through her... I wanted to *feel* her when she came.
Come on now... you didn't really think I'd be foolish enough to finish this completely clothed, did you?
I guess some people might think it cruel, but just when things started to heat up nicely, I stopped abruptly and knelt between her legs. She brought herself up to her elbows and looked at me, confused.
"What's wrong?" she queried with her brows knitted together and her chest heaving. I smiled at her and leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on her lips, allowing her to taste herself.
"I want you to undress me now," I whispered quietly against her lips as I stroked the soft skin of her stomach with my palms. I think I started to get really turned-on when she looked back at me confused and wary. I could tell that she was perplexed by my actions, which was exactly what I wanted. I mean, come on... didn't she realize that the best sex results from that which is totally unexpected?? Again, like a little trusting fool, she sat up and gingerly reached out to undress me. I sat still and said nothing... I wanted to see what she'd do.
She was catching on to me... it suddenly became obvious as she cleverly began to turn the tables. I could tell what she was doing as she skillfully and erotically undressed me, pausing here and there to plant dainty little kisses on my body. I must admit, I'd never had anyone do it to me before, and those who did try were way too clumsy... but not the little goddess... she was quite nimble, and surprisingly sensual. Okay... score a point for the little Venus... she had chutzpah.
After she'd undressed me, I fixed her with a nice dark, wanting stare, but it didn't last long. I was now sitting, and she knelt right beside me, staring back at me with those icy, sea-blue eyes of hers. It was eerie... I felt as though I could nearly read her mind, and she mine. She told me that she understood my need for control... that she understood my deep-seated fears... that she understood the real motivations behind my behaviors... and that she wasn't afraid of me. Much to my chagrin, I felt myself softening underneath her stare... my sharp, hardened edges were becoming dull... the dark glare in my eyes was losing its luster. I could feel myself filling with passion and trust, and real feelings of affection -- all that yucky, mushy shit that I detested. What was with this woman?? How could she have such an effect on me, the *Master* of Detachment!??
As I fought the battle inside my head, Dana leaned toward me slowly and placed an incredibly tender kiss on my lips. It said "I want you"... "give yourself to me"... "let me have you"... I felt my willpower slip further away as she straddled me and kissed me harder, forcing me to lie back down on the bed. Her sumptuous lips worked their magic on me while her fingers wandered around, feeling and touching me all over. I had no fight left in me, and all reason seemed to have drained out of my head, for I just laid there and kissed her while she stretched her body out on top of me, covering what she could with her warm flesh. I tried to tell myself that it was alright... that I should just let her pleasure me, and surprisingly, my normally belligerent mind said nothing in return. She had even mesmerized my stubborn mind... will wonders never cease?
After assaulting my mouth with her lips, Dana began to work her magic on the rest of my body. She slid herself downward, kissing my chest and the valley between my breasts. I managed to contain myself as she placed her mouth around my now-hardened nipples, and she sucked and nipped gingerly at each little bud until I was forced to dig my fingernails into her shoulders. She continued, kissing a path with her velvety lips down my taut body. She peppered my stomach with a mixture of feather-light kisses and stabs from the tip of her tongue. I placed my hands on her head, pushing my fingers into her silky tresses while she licked me. She stopped for just a moment and looked up at me, smiling gently and happily at me. I swear to God... it nearly brought tears to my eyes, and I found myself smiling back at her. Uhhhhhhhh... fuckkkk...!!
What *was* it about her that made me feel this way? ...why was I suddenly feeling all these things that normally did not inhabit my body?? It was absolutely astounding me. The combination of these incredible emotional sensations, coupled with Dana's soft lips touching and exploring me was pushing me to the edge of my sanity. I don't know what I wanted more... to taste her, or for her to make me come hard.
The anticipation was nearly killing me as she finally meandered down to my nest of curls, gently kissing me all over and pushing her nose into my soft, kinky hair. I let my head fall back as I felt her dainty tongue snake out to taste me carefully. She stabbed at my cunt delicately, exploring and licking all over before she pressed her lips to me. I absently began to rock my hips against her as I dug my fingers into her scalp. She slid a hand underneath my thigh and ass, and I felt the tickle of her fingertips just before she slid a finger, then two, inside me. Uhhhh... shit... it felt reeeaaalllyyy good... *she* was good... fuck... how did I go for such a long period of time without this?! ...I must be *stupid*...
The sensation of Dana's fingers gliding in and out of me, and her warm lips suckling my swollen clit made my head begin to spin. My body began to shudder uncontrollably as an old, familiar feeling sprung to life inside me. The burning sensation began in the pit of my belly and slowly crept upward as the little Venus continued to feast on my most sensitive parts. It didn't take long until I couldn't hold out anymore. My back involuntarily arched up off the bed and I grabbed a fistful of Dana's hair as the orgasm erupted like a volcano, rendering me breathless and making my cunt convulse and grip her still-probing fingers.
I think I might have blacked-out... it was *that* overpowering. I definitely lost a few seconds anyway, because the next thing I was aware of was Dana's face in front of mine, looking into my glazed eyes and wearing that sweet smile while I was gasping for air. I couldn't even say anything... I just reached up and pulled her down for a huge kiss. I quickly gathered my senses and was able to remember that I had not gotten the pleasure of finishing the delicious task of eating my little goddess.
Determined to regain control and conquer her, I rolled us over so that I was once again on top. She obviously knew what was to come, because her hands nervously ran up and down my naked back, twining in my hair as our kisses alternated between tender and impassioned. A million ideas ran through my mind... all the things I could do to her... all the vulnerable positions I could put her in... all the ways I could explore her... what to do... what to do.
I made a snap decision and grabbed her by the shoulders, rolling her over onto her stomach. She wasn't too keen on it at first and resisted a little, but my kisses on her neck and shoulders must have convinced her to trust me. I pushed her damp hair away from her neck and kissed it some more... just a few kisses here and there, and then I turned my attentions elsewhere, for I was too eager to let my lips explore the rest of her delicious body. I trailed my lips down her spine, feeling goosebumps arise on her skin in their wake. I kissed all along her sides and down over her buttocks, sticking my tongue out here and there to taste and sample her skin. I eased her thighs open a little and quickly slipped in-between her legs, making her squirm -- whether or not it was excitement or discomfort, I don't know. I only knew that I wanted to feel her heat and wetness... so I did. I slipped my hands underneath her and let my fingers delve into her dripping-wet crevice. Oh sweet goddess... she was saturated... overflowing with nectar... I nearly came again just from the feel of her on my hand. She squirmed more and gripped the bedsheets tightly, pressing her face into the bed to muffle her groans. She moved her hips and pressed herself against my hand, desperate for me to fuck her with my fingers. Of course I wanted to oblige her, but not before I indulged myself.
I pulled up on her hips, wanting to angle her ass upwards a bit, and she quickly and eagerly obeyed. As she opened her knees wider for me, I leaned down to her and spread her apart so that I had better access. I don't know which one of us let out the louder groan when my tongue finally touched her overflowing cunt... it was *so* good. She was the sweetest, most delectable woman I've ever had the pleasure of tasting, and believe me, my palette is quite particular. I grabbed her ass hard and slid my long fingers along her slippery valley, pushing them up over her swollen, sensitive clit. She groaned and jerked when I pushed two of them inside her and swirled my juice-coated thumb around her anus. I pumped my fingers in and out of her while I bent down to lightly kiss and bite her perfect, firm ass cheeks. I could tell she was nearing her climax, but I wasn't quite ready for it to be over yet. Besides... I wanted to antagonize her a little.
I suddenly withdrew my fingers and pushed down on her ass so that she collapsed onto the bed with a muffled "oomph". Then I grabbed her hips and rolled her over onto her back again. The expression on her face was nothing short of breath-taking. Copper hair strewn across her face... flushed cheeks... burning, wanton eyes... heaving, glistening chest... god, she was beautiful. I couldn't help but grin at her as I hovered over her and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her open lips. She reached up rather quickly and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me in for a deeper kiss. I declined her grip, however, and removed her arms from my neck, pinning them up over her head while insistently kissing her slowly. Again, being the smart cookie that she is, she immediately caught on to what I wanted and passively let me have my way. We alternated our kisses... soft and gentle, then deep and passionate... each time taking immense pleasure in tasting each other on our tongues. I soon wished to pick up where I had left off though, and the burning glare in her eyes told me that she was desperately craving the release that was pent-up inside her. I soon finished off our kissing with an evil little smile and then traveled my lips down her body once again.
Wasting little time, I arrived at her soft thatch of hair and noticed that her thighs yielded open to me immediately... a silent invitation for me to partake. I kissed all around her hot center first, then licked her entire valley, bottom to top. She let out a guttural moan of pleasure... or was it relief? I carefully swirled my tongue around her clit, pressing my lips fully around the sensitive button and sucking lightly. With that, she arched her back and thrust her hips into my face, releasing another quiet groan and whispering "oh goddd". Ahhh... at last... the call for Divine Intervention... it was music to my arrogant ears... I think I even laughed a little. Pleased by her whimpering, I now became intent on making her lose control... I wanted to see, hear, and feel her come hard.
I grabbed hold of her ass and laved her valley with my tongue, dampening my nose as I stabbed deeply into her with it. She began thrusting her hips against my face, and I again plunged two fingers into her hot cavern, pistoning them rapidly while I sucked and flicked my tongue back and forth across her hardened clit. I suddenly felt a sharp tug of hair being yanked from my scalp when she brought her hands down and clutched it desperately. She let out one more murmur of "oh goddd" and gasped a few deep breaths of air before I felt her whole body tense up as she came with a ferocious intensity... at least it *felt* and *sounded* pretty fucking ferocious. I could feel her orgasm subsiding, but she was still heaving as I slowed my suckling and eventually withdrew my fingers.
Well, this is where I normally call it quits. We fuck around... I make them come... sometimes they make me come... yadda yadda yadda... and then it's time for them to leave. I stay completely detached... It's safest -believe me. And I don't do the post-sex hugging, cuddling, and kissing crap. It's just not for me. You get off - I get off - buh-bye, honey -see ya later... that's how I normally operate.
Notice I said *normally*. Once again, however, Little Ms. Scully had me changing my evil ways.
I lifted my head up a little to steal a look at her. The moon was shining right in the window, casting a perfect beam of light into the bedroom and across her sprawled body. Her head was tilted back slightly... eyes closed... lips parted open, still breathing raggedly. Her chest and stomach moved up and down as she breathed, and her left breast jiggled slightly as her heart thudded against her ribcage.
I cannot describe the feeling that overcame me while I watched her... it was unlike anything I'd ever felt or experienced before. It was a sense of... awe... or something... I don't even know. It's like I was momentarily paralyzed... she was so beautiful... so perfect. She looked like an angel lying there on my bed. She had allowed me to take control of her... she had trusted me... and I had allowed and trusted the same. This was an important milestone for me. Suddenly - and very much against my prudent judgment - I wished that she would stay.
Her thighs were trembling slightly; I could feel them. So, contrary to protocol, I slowly leaned down and kissed a soft path from her groin over to them, letting my lips rest against them for a minute or two. She didn't move, she just lay very still and continued to catch her breath. I continued, pushing my nose and lips upward through the downy thatch of hair and up to her stomach where I placed a few more kisses, and then rested again.
Suddenly, I felt hands touch me and arms encircle my neck and head. She gave me a tight squeeze and held onto me as I turned my head and pressed my cheek against her sweat-dampened skin. I slid my arms up her sides and underneath her shoulders, resting myself on her while we both calmed down. I could hear and feel her heart, still thumping inside her chest. We laid like that in silence for a long time... I may have even dozed off... I don't really remember. I do, however, remember sliding off of her at some point and rolling over onto my back. She immediately turned toward me and scooted right up against me, like that little kitten again. It was foreign to me, and yet she seemed so familiar. She slid her leg overtop of mine and laid her head against my shoulder so that I could wrap my arm around her, pulling her securely against me. I fell asleep with my lips touching her head, and her arm stretched across my abdomen while she silently caressed my skin with loving softness. I never slept so soundly in my entire life.
Sometime later, I awoke suddenly, jerked out of my peaceful slumber by a feeling of panic. I looked beside me and saw that Dana was gone.....Shit... Wait a minute... I was disappointed because she was gone...??....good god... what the hell *happened* here last night?! ...What time was it anyway? ...four forty-five... wow... early riser. I sat up fully and rubbed my weary eyes. Glancing around the room, I saw some of the remnants from last night... my shirt... my underwear... my bra... all *my* stuff. Okay, so she wasn't just in the bathroom taking a pee... she really was gone. I let out a big sigh and flopped back down on the bed. Staring up at the ceiling, I told myself that I was crazy to think that I was in love with this woman. I couldn't fall in love with her, and it really was for the best that she was gone. It was best to stay uninvolved... it was best not to get too serious with her - or anyone, for that matter. It was best to stick to the tried-and-true plan - keep it simple, and nobody gets hurt... it was *best* to STAY *DETACHED*. Yes, yes... *detached*.
I must have fallen asleep again, because the next time I awoke, the clock read 8:30 a.m. I really didn't feel like getting up. What was the point? It was just going to be another shit-infested day spent bored and alone. I suddenly wished that Trojans was open for breakfast. After trying unsuccessfully to fall back asleep, I finally got up and threw on a shirt, trudging bare-assed out to the kitchen to see if I had any coffee... or whiskey... or barbiturates. As I walked through the living room, I noticed a slip of paper sitting underneath my ushabti. I picked it up and squinted at it. It read:
" ...I know where you live...
- D "
A huge grin spread across my face. Well... maybe this wasn't going to be such a bad life after all.
Title - "Detachable Venus 2 ... Pleasure & Pain" (A 6-part Story)
Author - A. K. Naten email@example.com
Rating - R/NC-17 - Strong Language/Sexual situations
Summary - Part 2 of the 'meeting up with a red-haired stranger' saga.
THIS IS A F/F SLASH PIECE. Persons under 18 should not read it. It is based in part on true-life experiences; however, names and places have been altered to protect the innocent. The comments/feelings/attitudes expressed herein are merely part of the character(s) and the story line and do not necessarily represent the author's personal point of view.
This continuation is long overdue, I know... I'm a slow-poke. It's probably a good idea for you to read the original story in this 'series', 'Detachable Venus' before you start this one; I guess this one could stand alone, but it would make much more sense if you read the first one. You can find it at my website: http://www.geocities.com/a_k_naten/ScullySlash.html, or you can look it up at the ScullySlash site: http://www.ma-at.net/ScullySlash (I think that's right). The character of 'Liz' belongs to me. Uhmm... I guess that's it.
Thank you, thank you to my beta-reader, Martita Conchita Adriana, for your most valuable critique and input. Grassy-ass, mi amor.
DISCLAIMER: The character of Dana Scully belongs to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, Fox Broadcasting, etc., etc., and is used without permission; I'm just borrowing her. No copyright infringement is intended, etc., etc., blah blah blah.
Detachable Venus 2 ... Pleasure & Pain
By A. K. Naten
Chapter 1 - Love Will Tear Us Apart
Two months... two fucking months and I hadn't heard shit from the little Ms. Venus known as Dana Scully. I don't know whether I was pissed or crushed... probably both. I'm normally the asshole who does the blowing-off... it never happens the other way around. So I kept telling myself to blow her off in return... I didn't need her, and I didn't particularly *want* her if this is how she handled relationships.
<Yeah, so fuck her... she can kiss my ass...> I kept telling myself, day after day... week after week.
I only permitted my heart to feel sorry for myself after the first 4 weeks; after that, I just became angry. With each day that passed with no phone call, my anger toward the little redhead increased until it actually became a *good* thing that she wasn't around anymore... I didn't know what my reaction would be if I did see her. My pride was not a forgiving creature, nor was it permitting... And *I* wasn't about to look *her* up or try to call her or anything... absolutely *not*... So I did my best to forget about her... again.
This has become the theme of my life, you see... on those rare occasions when a small spark did ignite a tiny flame, it soon was extinguished... either deliberately, by me, or by the other person, with a little help from me. It's hard to explain... I definitely think I have a severe case of relationship-phobia. I tried my best not to give two shits about my lovely little Venus... but it was hard. See, normally I *like* it when my current 'love interest' - and I use that term *very* loosely - fucks off. I'm a loner, and 'relationships' normally don't last very long for me. But hey, don't pity me... I prefer it that way. So maybe I was just pissed that Ms. Scully had beaten me to the punch... or maybe I was pissed at myself because I knew, deep inside, I really didn't want her to disappear quite so quickly.
In the past, I had only been 'ditched' two times by dubious broads who didn't know what they wanted. Even though only one of them had been a worthwhile lover, it angered me that I didn't get to give my consent, and things ended up getting really ugly, I must admit. I don't take very kindly to being 'ditched', and it pisses me off beyond belief. I guess you could say that I have a bit of a... *temper*, and... well... sometimes it tends to 'boil over', especially if someone dares to cross me in any way. I know, I know... it's a *really* bad character flaw, as well as an obvious turn-off to most people, but honestly, I've been working *really* hard to correct it. Hey, I haven't had a bad outburst in about... 6 months... that's a major accomplishment for me!
Anyway... instead of moving on with my life and/or reverting back to my usual modus operandi of 'veni, vidi, vici,' I was just sitting around moping to myself... continually wondering what I had done to frighten off the gorgeous Ms. Scully with the flaming hair and perfect lips.
...I hate it when this happens.
I was in a pissy mood on this particular night... had been all week, really. I was still angry with Dana Scully, and I was frustrated... both sexually and otherwise. And to top it off, I'd been having very vivid, very *erotic* fantasies about the little red-head all damn day. I'd picture what I did and what she did and what I'd *like* to do... and then I'd get all hot and bothered with nowhere to go and no one to go there with. I have a dildo - classically hidden beside my bed in the nightstand drawer, of course -and on extreme occasions, I do use it. It's certainly a poor substitute for living, breathing, warm human flesh, but it does the job when I'm desperate for 'fulfillment', so to speak. I really dislike masturbating alone; however, if it's a dire circumstance, I'll give in... like this particular night, for example.
So there I was, lying naked on my bed, stroking a dildo back and forth over my engorged cunt while visions of Dana Scully danced in my head. Slowly I let it glide over my juice-coated lips, pretending that it was Her fingers, or better yet, Her tongue. I looked down at the ivory-colored shaft for a moment, suddenly annoyed that it had to be shaped like a manly phallus. It was sort-of cold too, not warm and soft and fleshy like fingers... *Her* fingers.
<Why can't they make these damn things heated?> I mused as I pushed the shaft into myself. It wasn't even that satisfying... I was just fucking myself with a latex-coated plastic cylinder, and I knew it.
To improve the situation and move things along, I kept the shaft inside me while I licked my fingers and let them slip and slide down over my throbbing button. It doesn't take long for me to reach my climax this way; I have a sensitive clit... a few strokes and *whammo*... it was all over in a matter of seconds. I let the dildo slip out of me as I collapsed fully back on the bed. My buttcheek muscles ached a little bit, and I felt a slight sheen of sweat erupt along my forehead and temples as my breathing labored for just a moment. Images of my little Venus remained behind my closed eyelids until I opened them and stared blankly up at my bedroom ceiling. Dammit... I hate it when someone gets under my skin.
I sighed deeply, hoping to exhale all my frustrations and hang-ups along with the moist air from my lungs. I could hear Frank Sinatra crooning something on the stereo... suddenly I was no longer in the mood for old jazz standards, so I got up and shuffled toward the bathroom, stopping at the stereo to put on something different. I chose something appropriately depressing: Patsy Cline's songs of lost love and heartache.
<Yeah, *great* choice, idiot.> Why is it that when you're depressed, you *always* play depressing music, thereby depressing yourself even more? ...so stupid. I couldn't help but roll my eyes as Patsy started wailing about wanting someone who belonged to someone else and all she has is a picture and some records from the idiot. I let out a little sarcastic laugh as I headed off to the bathroom to clean up and stare blankly into the mirror where I'll once again ask myself "what the fuck is wrong with you?"
The phone rang, and as much as I absolutely *hate* to admit it, my immediate thought was, "wonder if that could be Her?" I answered it, and, of course, it wasn't Dana. It was Diana. ...one vowel too many.
Diana is a friend of mine - one of the few I have and can trust, and one of the very few whom I let get close to me... maybe the only one, in fact. We used to be lovers. Well, actually we started out that way, and when things didn't work out, we managed to stay pretty good friends - an amazing feat for me. Sometimes we hang out together, but I hadn't seen nor talked with her for awhile... she had been involved with someone, and I had thought it was fairly serious. With this call, however, I wondered if there was trouble in paradise.
Diana and I often act as each other's sounding board, talking about our current romances, getting advice and opinions from each other, and almost always commiserating over relationships when they've soured. She's had better luck than I have when it comes to relationships... if you can even call it 'luck', that is. We have a long history together - I've known her for about 10 years now - and on rare occasions, we've had a little fling or two to try to soothe each other's lonely souls and help purge whatever demons we were entertaining at the moment. That hasn't happened for a long time though... we both seem to have moved beyond that stage of extreme neediness, and I guess I'm glad for that.
She sounded sad tonight... depressed. She noticed the same in me as we chatted a little bit. Then she asked if she could come over to 'talk', and without really thinking about the possible ramifications, I said "sure" and hung up.
Only 30 minutes passed until there was a light rapping at my door. I let Diana in and she immediately hugged me. I could feel the tension and frustration in her body as we relaxed against each other. I've missed her, and I had to admit, it felt good to hold another warm human being. I forget just how much I care about Diana until we are reunited. I'm usually so busy pretending that I don't need anyone or anything that I forget about my sweet, precious friend. Since my Venus had ditched me, I had shut down my emotions... I had once again picked up my defense shields and surrounded myself with impenetrable armor, determined not to let anyone get thru the gates again. We broke our hug and looked at each other, realizing that we were both lonely, blue, and pathetic, and we laughed a mutual little laugh.
"What would I do without you, Liz?" Diana whispered as we hugged again.
"Mmm... probably try to take out your frustrations on a dildo, like I do," I replied, and she broke into a little giggle.
After several glasses of wine and lots of talking about her crumbling relationship (I was right) and my apparent one-night-stand with Dana Scully, we were feeling relaxed and much less tense. Our mutual misery always seemed to make us feel better, somehow... like a 'you and me against the world' type thing. I was at ease, and my usual stone walls of defense were down for a change. I didn't have to play it 'cool' or be 'in charge' like I usually was... I knew Diana was 'safe'. I had reclined back on the sofa, and Diana had snuggled up to me a little bit, resting her head against my shoulder.
"Why do you suppose our romance never worked, Liz? I mean... why didn't it stay romantic and sexual instead of becoming 'just friends'?" she asked me. I shrugged my shoulders,
"I don't really know... maybe its because we truly are 'just friends', and we're better off that way," I offered.
I didn't want to hurt her feelings and tell her that the real reason was that there just was no big sexual 'spark' for me. We had fairly compatible personalities, and we had fun in bed, but it was never a deeply romantic, intensely passionate, or mind-altering-sex kind of thing for me, which - I guess - is what I truly longed for...? ...I don't really know. Besides, I always knew that I was too much of a cold, closed-off bitch for Diana... she would need more emotionally from me, and I would be unable (or maybe unwilling?) to give it. She deserved better, which meant someone other than me.
She didn't move nor say anything, and I looked down at her. She finally looked up at me and returned a small smile. It said that she knew what I was thinking and what I was saying, and that she agreed... but somehow, she wished things were different between us... but we both knew that they weren't. I leaned down to give her a reassuring kiss, and she immediately wrapped her arms around my neck, suddenly pulling me in for a deeper one.
I knew why she was doing this... I knew how she was feeling... and I knew what she wanted to do. The thing is, I would usually go right along with it, needing the same thing and wanting to quench the same thirst inside. But tonight was different. Tonight I still had Dana Scully on the brain, and I didn't know how a little 'fling' with Diana would go because of that. But... I allowed it to progress anyway... I wanted to expunge the flame-haired beauty from my mind, and maybe I hoped that this would help...??
We undressed each other and ourselves, and soon we were naked and kissing and licking on my sofa... carnal hunger gnawing away at our minds... lust and the desire for nothing but raw, unadulterated sex filled the room as we began to consume one another... our only thoughts were the need to fill the cavernous voids in our lives for the night... just for tonight.
I was trying to enjoy it... I really was. But it was just no good. I wasn't turned on... I just couldn't get into it... I kept thinking of Dana... Dana... Dana...
<No, no, relax... enjoy the moment...> !!
Oh fuck it... it just wasn't going to work. I opened my eyes and sighed loudly. Diana looked up from between my thighs and saw the expression on my face.
"What?" she asked worriedly.
"I'm sorry, Di," I said, closing my eyes and shaking my head,
"I just can't do this," I said as I propped up on my elbows and looked at her regretfully.
"...I'm sorry..." I whispered again, really meaning it. She smiled her little smile at me and perched herself between my knees.
"It's okay... I guess we're really stupid to try this, huh?" she asked with a little laugh. I flopped back down on the couch and sighed disgustedly again.
"Oh I *know* that I'm fucking stupid... I don't think you're stupid, though, hon," I said as I glanced down at her and smiled. She grinned in return and crawled up to lay her warm body atop mine.
"Ohhh... we're just two fucking big-time losers in the goddamn game of love, aren't we?" she said, kissing my chest and hugging me gently.
"Yeah... I guess we are," I said with a small laugh as I hugged her back.
end part 1 of 6
Chapter 2 - Stupid Girl
I awoke early the next morning, so I decided to get up and make breakfast for Diana. She was still asleep in bed, so I snuck out and went about the task of making eggs, toast and coffee. She came shuffling out about an hour later, wearing one of my tee shirts, and nothing else. I made a face at her and accused her of intentionally teasing me as she stood before me with her hard nipples poking through the thin cotton of the shirt. She has a very nice figure, and I couldn't resist kissing her neck and giving her smooth ass a little pinch or two as she poured her coffee and smirked.
"We should be roommates, you know?" she said to me. I laughed and shook my head,
"Oh yeah, like that would really work," I mumbled as I took a bite of toast.
"Sure it would... we'd save a lot of money by combining forces," she offered.
"I don't need to save money," I answered with a wave of my toast. She grinned and walked up to me,
"No, you just don't want to give up your precious *privacy*, cos then you couldn't bring home your little girl-toys from the club for a quick fuck, right?" she said to me with a grin. I smiled back at her,
"Fuck you," I said, taking another a bite of toast. She giggled and turned to go fetch some eggs, and I smacked her ass playfully. Truth is, we *would* make good roommates, but that just isn't my style. As I've said, I'm a loner, and I desperately need my privacy... for numerous reasons. Much as I care about Diana, we'd never make it as roomies... I'd go bonkers.
Just then, a light knocking sounded at the door. Diana and I looked at each other questioningly... 9:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning and someone's knocking? Another knock...
"Aren't you going to answer that?" Diana asked. I shrugged slightly and headed toward the door, looking through the peephole. I could only see the arm of someone's jacket, so I opened the door slowly, and there, standing in the hallway...
Dana - fucking - Scully.
My mouth betrayed me and fell open. She pursed her lips in a forced smile and stared up at me for a moment... blue-green beauty mesmerizing my stunned mind.
"Hi," she finally said. I didn't say anything... I was still staring at her, slack-jawed, like a stunned mullet. I didn't know what I was feeling... shock... disbelief... anger... ?
I couldn't believe this... *two* fucking months, and *now* she shows up. And doesn't her timing just figure? I could not 'entertain' anyone for 364 fucking days out of 365, and guess who would come fucking knocking on my door the *one* goddamn day that I have someone here... Christ almighty. I felt the boil of my anger begin... the temperature inside my body was climbing...
"Uhm... can I come in?" she asked somewhat meekly. My mouth closed. I suddenly remembered that Diana was standing bare-assed in my kitchen, and I was only wearing a tee shirt and running shorts as well. Fuck it. I didn't care what she saw, nor what she thought of it. Let her think that I'm fucking someone else... I didn't give a shit. I gave her an angry look, clenching my jaw tight. Yeah... I was definitely feeling the anger now. I opened the door wider and motioned with a big sweep of my arm.
"Oh please... come right in, *Ms. Scully*," I said sarcastically. She made a little face, obviously catching the drift that I was pissed, but she entered anyway. As soon as she did, she saw Diana, and vice-versa. She was surprised, and I was glad. Diana gave her a polite smile as she sipped her coffee.
"Oh, uhh... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to... *interrupt*," she said to me with a little sarcasm of her own, but I could tell that she was just trying to cover her discomfort. I grinned evilly at her,
"Oh no, no problem... we were just having breakfast. Would you like something, Dana?" I said dramatically, motioning toward the kitchen.
"No... thank you," she said succinctly as she arched her brow and looked back at the door quickly. She wanted out of here... I could tell.
<Good! Squirm, you little bitch!> I thought angrily to myself.
"Sure? It's nooo problem, really. How 'bout it?" I insisted, motioning to the kitchen again. She shifted her jaw, obviously uncomfortable and maybe even angry. I walked toward her again,
"How 'bout some coffee? Scrambled eggs? A slice of toast? Orrrr... maybe just a quick *fuck* on the sofa, hmm? Y'know, just a little something to last you another *2 months* ?!" I said with a vicious snarl, my eyes dark with fury as I jerked my thumb toward the living room.
Her mouth opened a little, and a look of hurt briefly crossed her elegant features. Of course this is what I was aiming for, so I glared down at her triumphantly while standing right in front of her. She looked up at me, a mixture of anger and sadness on her beautiful face. For a brief moment, my conscience stirred and I almost regretted cutting her to the bone like that, but I continued to stare hard at her anyway.
"Uhmm... I'm gonna go... grab a shower," Diana mumbled as she put her coffee down on the counter and skittered off toward the bathroom in an attempt to escape the awkward situation. Dana turned her head to watch her go, but I didn't move... I kept on staring. The sound of the bathroom door slamming echoed thru the silent apartment, and Dana looked up at me.
"Well... since you're so happy to see me, I guess I'll be going," she said quietly as she turned to leave. I grabbed her arm quickly,
"Happy to see you? HAPPY to see you?! I don't fucking hear nor see SHIT from you for *2 months*, and I'm supposed to be fucking *ecstatic* that you're *gracing* me with your presence now?!" I yelled at her. Her eyes turned fiery blue as she angrily jerked her arm away from me.
"I've been *out of town* on assignments for the past two months!" she hissed back at me, eyes still blazing.
"And how the fuck am I supposed to know *that*, Dana?! Huh?!" I growled back.
"You just fucking *disappear* for 2 months... no phone call, no note... what the FUCK do you expect me to think??" I shouted at her again, flinging my hands near her face. She jerked backwards and her eyes darted around, carefully tracking my motions... I think she thought I was going to hit her or something. ...Jesus.
"Look... just forget it, alright?" she said, turning quickly toward the door. "I can see that you're obviously 'over' me, so... just forget it," she said sarcastically, nodding toward the bathroom. I still glared at her, throwing daggers with my eyes.
She walked to the door briskly and fumbled with the doorknob, trying desperately to open it and make her escape. She only got it open a few inches before I was right behind her. I quickly reached up above her head and slammed the door shut in her face. She didn't move... she didn't turn around. I stepped even closer, my body slightly pressing against hers... my mouth barely touching her hair. I wanted to do something to her... say something horribly cruel to her... I wanted to hurt her. I wanted her to feel the pain and the anger that I felt. Instead, I just stood there with my body touching hers and my jaw clenched tightly, a battle raging inside my head. I could feel the tension rolling off her petite form in waves. She was gripping the doorknob fiercely and standing ramrod stiff, but she wouldn't turn around to face me.
"Please let me go," she finally said quietly. I didn't say anything. I knew she could feel my breath on her hair and near her ear. I could sense her mouth move as she licked her lips nervously, and her hand was now trembling slightly on the doorknob.
"Let's just... forget everything... I'll leave, and we can forget that anything ever happened between us," she said again. I slid both my hands down along the frame of the door so that she was totally imprisoned by my body. I leaned my mouth in to touch her ear slightly,
"I *wish* I could forget about you, Dana," I whispered back to her,
"...God, I wish I could."
Damn... what did I just admit to her? !@#$!%#!
She said nothing. I closed my eyes and let my arms fall down, releasing her from their imprisonment. She quickly twisted and tugged the doorknob, wrenching the door open and dashing out in a flash. I didn't watch her go. I just stood there and opened my eyes to stare at the open door.
God this sucked. I could not *believe* she just showed up here. Was she really away on assignments? For *2 months*? Has she really been thinking about me, or was she just here to feel me out and see if she could grab a quick piece of ass? I didn't know what to think... I was angry... I was upset... I was remorseful. I was fucking pissed off that some little red-headed wench could get to me so badly. What good is this stupid armor that I wear if it doesn't work?!
I slammed the door hard, the jar reverberating throughout the apartment. I raked my fingers through my hair, stopping my palms at my temples to push on them.
<...stupid stupid stupid stupid...> I repeated inside my head.
The heavenly scent of her herbal-flowery hair still resonated throughout my nasal cavity... and I think my panties were wet too... ...oh goddddddddddd.
"So that was *Her*, huh?" Diana had quietly come out to find me squeezing my head and leaning against the door. I dropped my hands and turned to face her, sighing deeply,
"Yeah... *that* was Her," I said dejectedly. Diana walked up to me and trailed her fingers down my hot cheek.
"She's very pretty," she said with a soft smile. I gave her a small snort and just shook my head.
"I was going to leave, but... I can stick around... if you need me...?" Diana asked as she squeezed my shoulder.
"No, thanks... I'll be fine," I mumbled appreciatively as I looked up at her understanding eyes. She gave me one of her peaceful smiles... the kind that reassured me.
"Well... if you change your mind, you know where to call, okay?" she said as she turned to go fetch her jacket. I stood with my back still slumped against the door, and Diana walked toward me, pulling her jacket on.
"Y'know," Diana started thoughtfully, then hesitated,
"Maybe you shouldn't be so hard on her... I mean, she seemed...," she added, taking a long pause while she measured her next words. I looked up at her, questioningly.
"She seemed what?" I implored impatiently,
"I dunno... 'genuine', I guess," Diana finished with a shrug. I gave her a frown, somehow feeling angry that she was defending Dana, even if it was in a small way.
"What the hell do *you* know about being 'genuine'?!" I snapped at her. She looked back at me, hurt by my cruel remark, and now miffed herself.
"A hell of a lot more than *you* do, that's for damn sure!" she quipped back at me. Okay, so she had a small point there... still, I was pissed that she was calling me on it. I glared at her, wanting to bite her head off but knowing that I shouldn't. Instead, I looked away, counting to ten and hoping that she'd just leave.
"Liz," Diana said quietly as she approached me,
"Why do you do this to yourself?" she asked softly as she touched my chin and turned my face toward hers.
"Why do you constantly push people away from you?" she queried further. I rolled my eyes at her impatiently.
See, we've had this discussion soooo many times in the past... I am thoroughly tired of it. Diana thinks I intentionally keep people at arms length. She thinks I intentionally act like a bitch, and I intentionally insist on having the upper hand in the 'relationship' so that no one can get close to me emotionally. Well she's right about that... duh. But, isn't that *my* decision? Isn't that *my* right? And isn't it *my* own responsibility to protect myself? I mean, nobody else protects you... you've gotta take care of yourself. Believe me, you can't count on anyone else.
Diana leaned in and kissed me softly, pulling me out of my daydream,
"You've gotta take a chance, Liz," she said,
"If you don't take the chance, how will you ever know?" she implored.
"How will you ever know if it's something *really* good?" she asked again. I dropped my gaze and shook my head.
"I think this Dana seems sweet... not just a flash in the bed... she just seems... 'genuine'," Diana repeated.
"So you've said," I mumbled. Diana sighed exasperatedly. I could tell she was getting pissed-off by my stubbornness, but again, this was nothing new. She dropped her hand from my shoulder and perched her hand on her hip,
"Y'know, I wish - just once - you'd stop being such a *fucking* coward!" she lashed-out angrily at me.
Oh great... here we go... I rolled my eyes at her and looked away.
"I wish you'd just *try* - just once - *try* to let someone in. Just *TRY* to love someone, and let them love you back, y'know!? Why is that such a horrible thing to you?!" she added, shaking her head and motioning with her hands.
"I *did* try that once, remember?!" I sneered in response as I looked back at her.
"Oh yes - that's right - *GOD FORBID* - you had *one* somewhat meaningful relationship that went sour, and now you can't ever love again!" she replied with dramatic sarcasm.
"Fuck off, Di," I said, disgusted and weary as I drug my hands through my hair again.
"No, *YOU* fuck off, Liz!" she screeched, "I cannot *believe* that you're willing to spend your life miserable and alone, all because you're a goddamn fucking *COWARD*!" she shouted again, pointing her finger into my chest.
Okay... I was getting pissed now... she was yelling at me... in *my* apartment... at 9:00 in the morning, no less. I stood up straight and took a step toward her, fixing her with a dark scowl... a scowl that told her my patience was exhausted, I was tired of her, and I wanted her to leave... NOW. She got the drift immediately and took a step back away from me.
"We've always been honest with each other, Liz... we always say exactly what we think," she said calmly as she looked into my eyes, trying to read my thoughts,
"...Well, I think this girl seems like a good one... and I think you'd be a damn fool to push her away again." Diana finished quietly as she reached past me and tugged the door open, not looking at me as she walked out and slammed the door behind her.
Well, I was headed for a new world record ... two women getting pissed-off at me and slamming the door in my face... all in the same morning.
end part 2 of 6
Chapter 3 - Wicked Game
I didn't talk to Diana for two weeks. That usually isn't a big deal, but it was a big deal this time because I knew that I owed her an apology. She knew it too... that's why she didn't call me... I was going to have to call her. Damn. She knew I was an arrogant, prideful asshole, and she knew how to play me. So, much to my chagrin, I rang her up and apologized, in the most humble way that I could muster. Luckily, she accepted my pathetic 'apology', and we were on stable, friendly ground once again.
...One down, one to go...
Another week passed and Di talked me into going out with her. We agreed on dinner and a movie, but when we missed the last show, we decided to go look for a club instead. Guess where Di suggested we go? That's right... Trojans.
Now I hadn't been there, for what... nearly 3 months? and I liked it that way. I didn't especially want to go back. And no, it wasn't because I feared meeting *Her* there, I just felt that I had moved on from that place, and I wanted to find someplace new. Besides, I wasn't really up for watching the antics of the bare-chested gay guys nor the burly dykes making out in their respective corners. And I wasn't interested in picking anyone up either. I had made a sort of 'celibacy vow' to myself after the blow-up with Dana, so I didn't want to get involved with anyone right now - be it superficial or otherwise. But... after Diana issued me a sort of 'challege' by saying that I was too chicken-shit to go back, I quickly steered my Jeep toward the little gay club on Concord Street, determined to prove her wrong.
Even though I had all my armor carefully in place, I must admit that I felt slightly tense when we walked in. It didn't last long though. Carl greeted me from the bar with a nod, and once I thoroughly scanned the room to make sure there was no one else I knew, I relaxed. Of course I didn't really think *She* would be there - that'd be too cliche - but I scanned for red hair anyway.
...Everything came back 'all clear'.
Once I put Her out of my mind for the evening, Di and I actually had a pretty good time. We drank, chatted, and I even danced to a couple good tunes... will wonders never cease?
It felt good to be back at my old stomping grounds, I had to admit. The old 'safe' feeling of being surrounded by people like me gave me comfort, and the fact that I was there with a friend provided even more security. I hadn't realized just how much 'security' meant to me until that night. I realized - much to my dismay - that I needed reassurance when I was 'wounded'. I needed the bolster of friendship and familiar environs.
Furthermore, I realized that my out-of-character feelings and heartache over the whole Dana Scully situation had damaged my once bullet-proof exterior. Me, the tough, proud, strong woman who needed no one and could handle anything was susceptible to getting toppled from her throne by an equally proud, strong woman who wouldn't give in to me, and - worst of all -had my heart bound up and tied into knots. My armor wasn't as strong as I had thought. It had some dents in it... big ones.
Damn... when did all this happen?!
Deep down inside, I knew that I was 'softening', and I knew why. Diana's words kept ringing over and over in my mind...
' If you don't take the chance, how will you
ever know? ...how will you ever know if it's
something *really* good? '
God... I really had mastered the art of kidding myself, hadn't I? Instead of 'Master of Detachment', I was the 'Master of Denial'. My enjoyment had always come from the process of the conquest, and absolute control was my ultimate objective. And when that goal was achieved, I was finished with the game... and with the person.
I had carved a fine life of carrying-on and sleeping with bimbos who were gorgeous but had nothing upstairs, simply because they did what I wanted them to do. I could *control* them... I always had the upper hand. I didn't let them get close to me, and they never tried. I thought that was what I wanted. I thought that was the ideal situation. ...But it wasn't, was it? I was miserable, and I knew it. I was lonely, and I craved some real intelligent bantering from someone who could share my passions with me... someone who could challenge me... someone who could keep my stupid, stubborn pride in check... someone like... Dana Scully??
Oh for chrissake... not *Her* again. WHEN would She be eradicated from my mind?! Did EVERYTHING have to boil down to HER?! I decided that I either had to hunt Her down and find Her, to exorcise Her from my soul; or I had to hook up with another woman and try to start a new relationship, celibacy be damned.
...What to do... what to do.
Friday night, and I was at Trojans again. It had been a week since I came here with Di. A week since I decided to get on with my life and look for love in all the *right* places.
...Yah, sure. I severely doubted that I was going to find that 'special someone' here - again, that is - so I just tried my best to get back into my routine of people-watching whilst seated at the bar. Some jerk had usurped me of my chair-against-the-wall spot, so I had to go to the opposite corner of the bar. It didn't have primo viewing like the other spot, but it served the purpose.
The evening came and went with no excitement, and no surprises ...a pattern that kept repeating itself every time I visited the joint. Two more weekends also came and went, and I found myself making Friday nights at Trojans a habit. Okay, so I wasn't 'moving on with my life'... I was going back to the way things were. ...Fuckin' aye.
So, I'm a loser... like I wasn't already aware of that, y'know? ...Christ.
Every day I wondered if and when I'd get out of this ridiculous funk that I'd fallen into.
This particular Friday night was different. There was a different crowd at the club this night. It was full of younger people... they looked like college kids. Was it Fall break or something? What the hell were all these kids doing stinking up my bar with their sweaty heads and grungy shirts? They were loud too... yelling and being totally obnoxious... assholes. I wasn't in the mood to be annoyed by some college wannabe hippies... I was still feeling gloomy and pissed-off, and I just wanted to do what I normally did on evenings like this: get buzzed on my beloved kamikazes while reminiscing about my pathetic life... drive home without getting pulled over by a cop... watch a bad movie on the telly while convincing myself that I'm better off being alone... then fall asleep on the sofa when the infomercials started boring me.
I was smiling at my own sarcastic stupidity and taking another sip of my drink when I caught a flash of crimson hair. My heart quickened... the hair on the back of my neck stood up... and a warm rush spread across my chest. My god... could it be?? She was hanging with the young kids... What?! Was that how my little Venus was getting her jollies these days?? Fucking around with some young college thing?? Great... just fucking *great*.
I could only see the back of Her head from my vantage point, but I watched closely. Her petite body moved slightly in rhythm with the thumping bass of the songs. She sipped from a glass while she occasionally puffed a cigarette. Great... she's a smoker too... wouldn't have guessed that.
I observed Her for a good 15-20 minutes, all the while she kept her back to me while she talked with someone. At first I was angry... she had obviously forgotten about me very easily. Then, I was jealous... she was fucking around with someone else... because she had obviously forgotten about me easily. Alright, so I was angry *and* jealous.
As I sat and watched Her, I realized that to accomplish my soul-purging and rid my mind of Her forever, I was going to have to talk to Her. Much as I detested the thought, I just *had* to do it. I quickly pounded my entire kamikaze shot and slid off my stool to head in Her direction. As I approached Her, her 'friends' eyed me suspiciously. I briefly wondered if they knew who I was... had she told them about me? Had she told them about 'us'? I came to stand in back of Her, my heart betraying me and hammering loudly in my chest. The girl with whom she was engrossed in conversation with saw me and said something to Her, then pointed to me. She turned her head slowly, slowly, until she was looking right at me.
Shit!! It wasn't her!! Oh my goooodddddddddddd...
I was too embarrassed to be disappointed. I couldn't believe I had jumped to conclusions and made such a *huge* misjudgement. What a fucking idiot. And now I had some buck-toothed college chick with brown eyes and obviously dyed hair staring dreamily at me, batting her eyelashes and cooing "hello" to me. ...oh the ignominy... Somehow I managed to keep my poker face intact as I mumbled,
"Oh, sorry... thought you were someone else," and turned away quickly.
I hustled my ass back over to the bar to pay my tab so I could get the fuck out of there. As I dug for my money, I wondered if I was disappointed, relieved, or just humiliated. I guess my overriding emotion was disappointment. Even though I was unsure how a meeting with Ms. Venus would go, I still wanted it to happen. And even though I hated to admit it to myself, I still held out hope that something could be salvaged between us, even if it was only a warm smile and a sincere, 'how have you been?' greeting exchanged with a clasp of our hands. I didn't want to feel that way though... I wanted to be angry with Her forever... I wanted to hate Her... but... I just couldn't.
...Strange what desire can make foolish people do...
I finally flipped some bills onto the bar and bid Carl adieu. When I turned around, an astonishing sight met my eyes.
end part 3 of 6
Chapter 4 - You Gimme Fever
She was standing against the wall, watching me. For how long, I don't know. She wore a tight turtleneck sweater... long-sleeved, black. Her lower body was covered by jeans... identically black. And on her perfectly painted, blood-red lips, she wore a smirk.
One corner of her mouth curled up as she read the startled look on my face. I'm quite sure I was gawking like a total idiot... I was taken too off-guard to be instantly cool, calm, and collected. It didn't take long to kick in though... A few seconds of staring and my steady, impassive persona returned... thank God. My mind scrambled at first, and I had no idea what to say nor do. I could only pierce Her with a stare and take a few steps toward her until I was standing within two feet of her.
"Trying to pick up red-headed college chicks?" she queried through a smug smile. Damn! She saw that! Damn! Damn! Damn! I was snagged. I fought to stay calm...
<'Master of Detachment' 'Master of Detachment' 'Master of Detachment'> I repeated to myself, forcing my feverish mind to stay in control. The thumping music seemed to match the thumping of my heart, and it was making my head hurt as well.
"I thought she was you," I admitted with a casual shrug and lazy slide of my eyes. I did my best 'no big deal' impression for her, hoping that she didn't catch on to me.
"What were you planning on saying to... 'Me'?" she asked again, the smarmy smile still in place. I broke into a grin and looked away, again doing the lazy 'oh puh-leeze' thing with my eyes. When I looked back, she was eyeing me expectantly. Damn... how was I going to get out of this one, Sherlock?
"Maybe I wasn't going to *say* anything," I said to her lowly as I dipped my head down a little and took another step toward her, closing the gap between us to mere inches. All the anger I felt toward her seemed to be dissipating... my wish to punish her and make her feel pain was no longer present. All I could sense and feel was... attraction... desire... seeping into my bones like a lethal disease and weakening my defenses.
As I let my taller frame hover in front of and above her, she stepped back and flattened her spine against the wall. My trick was working... she was cowering... just a smidgeon, but still, I could see her throat swallowing reflexively... she wasn't totally in control of her cool self... good sign. I leaned in even closer and placed one arm against the wall beside her head. She licked her lips and tried very hard to look sure of herself as she traveled her eyes up and down my body, finally bringing them to rest on my face. She looked into my eyes... deadly blue flames simmering... threatening to erupt... waiting to lash out and blind me. I dropped my gaze to her deep ruby lips. They quivered oh so slightly, and she licked them... then again. They became like magnets... pulling me in to her. I had no power against the gravitational force... I couldn't stop myself from leaning forward and touching my lips to hers.
A soft, gentle caress of lips... like a shy schoolgirl bestowing a virginal first kiss... it was positively delicious. I didn't want to stop there... I dipped my head again, this time pressing my lips to hers a little harder. She fought it... she fought the urge to kiss me back... I could feel it. But, after a few suckles and a little coaxing from the tip of my tongue, she caved... only a little, but she caved. She snuck one hand up along my neck, pulling my head toward hers as she opened her mouth and deepened the kiss. The virginal stuff instantly vanished... electrical sparks zapped my lips as she gently sucked me. Oh God... she tasted heavenly. Memories flooded my throbbing brain. Her lips, her tongue, her hand on me... it was sensory overload big-time. I wanted to inhale her... suck the taste out of her mouth... tear her clothes to shreds and make passionate, mind-altering love to her.
What?! What did I just say?!?! Shit!!
God, I had to get ahold of myself... I couldn't *totally* lose control... not here... not like this. I broke the kiss and stood upright, automatically wiping her lipstick from my mouth. Her chest was heaving and her lipstick was mussed... she reeked of pure passion and smoldering sexuality... she was absolutely *stunning*. I was so close to blurting out how I felt about her, you wouldn't believe it. And yet, true to form, I said nothing. We stared at each other for a good minute...
...and then I simply turned and walked out the door.
...I know... I KNOW what you're thinking. 'What are you, *STUPID*?!' The answer is yes, I guess. But wait - before you totally give up on me, listen to what I did...
I got into my Jeep and sat for a minute, gathering my wits and recounting what had just happened. While I was doing deep-breathing exercises, I saw Dana come out of the club and hop into a dark-colored mustang.
<...Mustang Sally...> I mused to myself. She also sat for a moment or two in her car, probably doing the same thing I was doing, I arrogantly assumed. Then she started the car and pulled out. Before I even realized what I was doing, I also started my Jeep and pulled out, following her down the street.
I've never 'stalked' someone before... it just isn't my style, and besides, I wouldn't waste my time. But this wasn't really *stalking*, I was just... I was... shit... I didn't know what I was doing, and I didn't know what I was going to do if she stopped someplace... I just followed. Like a stupid puppy, I followed her faithfully, light after light... intersection after intersection... road after road. Finally she turned into some complex or something and parked. Looked like apartments... I assumed it was hers.
I parked across the street at a safe distance and watched her get out of her car and walk up to one of the doors. She unlocked it and went inside, closing the door behind her. No lights were turned on... I saw no movement of any kind. Maybe she went straight to bed? Maybe she was sitting on the couch, sulking, like I sometimes do?
Without really realizing what I was doing, I got out of my car and walked up to her door. I stood and stared at the door for a moment, contemplating whether or not I should touch it. I could just leave... just get back in my car and drive away. Or, I could knock and go inside and talk to her... tell her that I wanted her... maybe even tell I was sorry for being such an ass.
Shit... I didn't like any of those choices.
I suddenly reached out, put my hand on the doorknob, and twisted it... it turned and clicked open. That was suspicious. I pushed the door ajar just a crack and peered inside. All was dark and quiet. Why would she let the door open? Unless, it was... intentional... shit... she knew I had followed her... smart little shit... well, duh, she *is* a cop. I opened the door the rest of the way and stepped inside, closing it softly behind me. It took my eyes a few seconds to adjust, but once they did, I saw her sitting on a sofa, looking right at me.
"Always leave your door unlocked?" I asked.
"Only when I know you're following me," she answered confidently.
I couldn't help but grin. Her sexy voice purring to me through the darkness was a huge turn-on.
She got up and walked toward me, her eyes never leaving mine as they cut through the murkiness. When she reached me, she stretched her arm past me and turned the lock on the door. The 'click' echoed sharply in the stark silence. Then she turned abruptly and headed into her kitchen.
"Care for a drink?" she asked over her shoulder.
"Sure," I answered, still grinning as I walked out to her tidy little kitchen. She opened a cupboard door, revealing several bottles of alcoholic beverages.
"What's your pleasure?" she asked, looking back at me expectantly.
"Mmm... somethingggg *wet*," I answered with playful smugness. She gave me a coquettish look, curling her mouth into an oh-so-slight smirk as she fired off one of her eyebrows. Oh god... what a look. She could stop traffic with that one. Without asking me again, she reached for a bottle of wine and set about opening it up.
I gave a small chuckle and turned to walk back into her living room. Slowly meandering around, I perused her photos and took a careful inventory of the things she had lying and hanging around. I wanted to know ho she was... what made her tick. Her place was very neat and tidy throughout. Orderly and simple, but tasteful... a reflection of her personality, I presumed. ...Very interesting.
She had several happy pictures of what I assumed were her parents and her siblings... from that I deduced that her warm, loving family was a close-knit group and was important to her... unlike my filthy-rich, dysfunctional family of idiots.
<Note to self... do not discuss families...>, I thought internally. She also had some certificates and things hanging on her walls... hmmm... those were very interesting indeed.
I suddenly sensed that she was behind me. I turned around and indeed she was, presenting me with a flute of white wine.
"Find anything interesting?" she asked with yet another smirk. I smiled back at her,
"People's homes are always interesting to me," I replied.
"Why is that?" she asked with an expression that said she already knew the answer. I answered anyway,
"They tell a lot about a person, of course," I said with a sly grin of my own.
"Mmm, and what exactly do you think you now know about me based on your cursory perusal?" she asked smugly. My grin broadened. She was being a smart-ass and challenging me ... I loved that.
"Welllll, let's see...," I said with a drawl as I arched my brow and turned to survey her things again,
"You're neat and tidy... a very orderly, proper person... probably totally anal too," I began. She watched me with a non-committal smirk still settled on her ruby lips. I smiled again and decided to continue since she seemed to be amused by it,
"And... you have a medical degree," I said, indicating my surprise as I pointed to an attractive plaque hanging on her wall. I turned back and looked at her questioningly. She swallowed her wine,
"...So?" she said with a small shrug.
"So... I can't help but wonder the obvious... what the hell are you doing working as a cop?" I asked bluntly as I turned back to face her. She answered me with a grin and a small laugh,
"I told you before... I'm not a *cop*," she said, arching an eyebrow.
"Oh, excuse me, that's right... you're an *FBI* agent," I said, motioning to the other plaque hanging on her wall. She answered me only with another grin as she turned away from me and walked over to sit on her sofa. This woman intrigued me more than anyone else I'd ever met. A fully-qualified medical doctor, and she was working as an FBI agent? ...I didn't get it at all. My lustful intents took a back seat as my curiosity became highly piqued by this conundrum of a woman. I paused for a moment then went to join her on the sofa.
"So?" I asked after I sat down beside her.
"So, what?" she answered, trying to avoid my line of questioning. I smiled and made a face at her,
"Sooo... why work with the *Men In Black* rather than be a Medical Doctor?" I pried. She took another sip of her wine, pausing and looking skyward while she thought about her answer.
"Why don't we just suffice it to say that... I use my medical background quite a bit in my line of work," she answered cryptically.
"Oh... okay," I said as I made a little indignant face and grinned back at her. Obviously she didn't wish to discuss her work, and that was okay by me. Discussing jobs and work is boring anyway. I took a sip of my wine and we stared at each other over the rims of our glasses for a brief moment.
"And what is it that you do, exactly?" she suddenly asked me. I shrugged at her,
"I'm just an architect... nothing exciting," I said with a little shake of my head, attempting to give her the same brush-off that she gave me. She smirked back at me as she looked directly into my eyes. I could tell that she was trying to figure me out... I liked that. It made me want to fuck with her head and confuse her. I stared intently back at her, remembering that she didn't like it... I wanted to see her squirm a little. She only smirked at me, however... perhaps the little Venus was learning how to counteract my attacks? ...Hmmmm.
"Actually... I think the more important question for the evening... is...," she began, pausing as she turned and placed her glass on a nearby table,
"...why did you follow me here?" she finished as she turned back to face me, pinning me with knitted brows and blazing blue eyes. I smiled at her and gave a little laugh, surprised that she had the chutzpah to hit me with the unspoken question. I placed my glass on the table also, then turned back to her, honestly unsure of what to say, and how to say it.
"I don't really know... I normally don't do things like that," I answered, trying to sound as casual and non-committal as possible. She gave me a little laugh and rolled her eyes for a moment,
"Oh come onnn... you must have a reason... tell me," she said as she looked back at me again. The volume and cadence of her voice was changing... it was becoming more sexy... more seductive. Her body and her face seemed to inch closer and closer to me with every movement she made. I could feel the atmosphere thickening between us... I could smell the heat. The desirous animal within me was reawakening... having her blatant sexuality so close to me was forcing my mind to forget about all the stupid, pointless vows of celibacy that I promised to make myself abide by. My anger toward her had apparently evaporated completely now... I had forgiven her without even realizing it. The question was... had she forgiven me as well?
I smiled at her again and leaned toward her a little, cocking my head to the side,
"Maybeee... I just wanted to see you," I said lowly as I tried to turn the tables and pin her with a dark stare. Her eyes fluttered a little and she licked her lips nervously... again, my trick was working. She looked down at my mouth, then back up to my eyes,
"Why did you want to see me?" she asked quietly, her eyes never leaving mine. Our faces were now only separated by mere inches. I could feel her breath puff softly against my lips as she spoke.
"Mmm... several reasons, I guess," I said as I looked skyward, pretending to think for a moment while I continued to hold my face near hers.
"Name the most important one," she said as she quirked one corner of her mouth upwards.
"Uhmmm...," I said, looking upwards again and hesitating deliberately, "Maybeee...," I drew out, continuing to tease her. Then I looked back at her grinning face, leaning in even closer and lowering my voice to a whisper,
"Maybe... I wanted to apologize... for being a jerk and screaming at you the other week," I said softly and seriously, wanting her to know that I really meant it. Her face grew solemn as well, and she blinked a little nervously.
"Is that a good enough reason?" I asked quietly as I reached out and gently caressed her cheek with the backs of my fingers.
"Yes... that's a very good reason," she murmured as she leaned in and closed the gap between us. Her lips merged with mine... softly at first, but slowly increasing in pressure and intensity. I responded the same, gently bringing my arms around her as she reached up and wound her hands into my hair.
My tongue snaked out and sought entrance with some hesitancy... I wanted to stay in control and take my time, but damn, it was difficult. She parted her lips almost shyly in invitation, allowing me to dart my tongue in and drink her sweetness. A quiet moan snuck out of the back of her throat as she dragged her tongue along my teeth and swirled it around my tongue, sucking and dueling gently with me. God... I knew I would easily lose it if this continued. She opened her eyes and looked at me, breaking the kiss very slowly as I finished with a gentle suck of her glistening lips. She licked her lips and quirked a bashful smile at me, then pushed away and suddenly got up off the sofa. I watched her with wolfish eyes as she gathered our near-empty wine glasses and began to head toward the kitchen.
"Care for a refill?" she asked as she looked back at me with that coquettish expression of hers. I gave her a little grin and got up off the sofa, walking toward her. She was standing near the wall as I approached her, and I reached out, taking the glasses from her hands and sitting them on a nearby table.
"The thirst I have can't be quenched with wine," I said as I turned back to face her. We smiled shitty little grins at each other, knowing full well what was on both our minds. I stood right in front of her, our chests nearly touching as I backed her fully against the wall and reached down for her hands. Clasping them, I brought them up above her head while I leaned in and smothered her lips in a deep kiss.
It felt like my insides were melting as our lips seared each other. She gave in and kissed me fervently this time, snaking her arms around my back and neck, twining her fingers into my hair, and eagerly pressing her body up against me. I moved my hands down to her hips and pulled them against mine gently, grinding her against me as she let out a slight moan. Her breathy response made my chest constrict, and I shifted my kisses, pelting her cheeks, chin, and jaw. I steadily started moving downward, kissing the ultra-soft spot underneath her chin and her silky neck while I raked my hands down her arms. I wanted to taste all of her... I wanted to lick and bite every inch, and I didn't want to wait... I wanted to take her right there in the hallway outside her kitchen.
She didn't seem to mind... she allowed me to sink to my knees and lift her sweater to kiss her tender stomach... she didn't flinch as I unbuttoned her jeans and tugged them down off her hips... and she pushed her hands into my hair and clutched at my head as I pressed my lips against her panties and kissed her through the black satiny fabric.
Okay, so it wasn't the most comfortable situation in the world, but I didn't give a shit. I wanted her, *badly*, and from the sounds of her hushed groaning, she wanted it too. So, I decided not to wait any longer. While kissing the warmth between her legs, I pushed her jeans down further. Being a good, cooperative little angel, she kicked her shoes off so that I could yank her jeans off the rest of the way. Wanting complete access to her, I reached up and pulled the satiny panties down as well, helping her rid herself of the annoying barrier. Before I indulged, however, I glanced up at her.
Desire... sheer wanton desire was what I saw on her naked face. Her cheeks were flushed... her chest was heaving... her lips were red and parted... sweet Jesus, she was gorgeous. My lips curled into a half-snarl, half-smile as I leaned forward and let them touch her soft curls, now damp with her arousal. She shuddered noticeably and groaned a quiet 'oh God' - an utterance that I had come to love by now - as I pressed my nose and mouth against her harder.
With the first touch of my tongue against her warm, wet folds, I knew I was gone... I knew I couldn't stop even if she tried to beat me off with her FBI-issue handgun. I wondered briefly if she knew that... I wondered if she had the slightest idea how absolutely fucking *erotic* she was at that very moment. Well, it was unimportant for the time being... and I didn't waste any more time thinking idiotic, maudlin thoughts... I had a feast to attend.
end part 4 of 6
Chapter 5 - She Sells Sanctuary
I reached up and placed my hands on her thighs, making her gasp from the touch of my cool fingers. I slid one hand under her left thigh, persuading her to place the leg over my right shoulder. This provided me with ideal access, and I immediately dove in and thrust my tongue deeply into her, wanting to drink in her entire being. She groaned again and her lone standing leg buckled as I began to mercilessly devour her. I instantly remembered her delectable flavor as soon as it touched my tongue, and once again, I couldn't get enough of it. She began rocking her hips as she gripped my head and held it tightly against her. I grasped her ass harder as I latched onto her clit, sucking and swirling my tongue all around. Her back slipped further and further down the wall as she arched it, grinding herself against my face while breathing ragged and loud. I released my hand from her ass and slipped my thumb inside her, pistoning it in and out while I continued to assault her clit. With that, she jerked against me, both legs quivering as her knee began to lose the desperate struggle to keep her body upright. I could feel her insides squeezing my thumb as her thigh simultaneously squeezed my shoulder and she clutched at my head. She whimpered and groaned another breathless "Oh Goddd," as she came fast and furious, her body tensing while she spasmed all around me.
She only remained upright for a few seconds. Her weakened body slid helplessly down the wall and she collapsed into my arms like a deflated balloon. I caught her carefully and held onto her, turning us both so that my back was now against the wall. We didn't speak a word as she turned and positioned herself with her back against my chest and her head tucked between my chin and my shoulder.
For a moment, it felt awkward. I'm not sure why, but I didn't quite know what to do. I mentioned before that I'm not much of a post-sex snuggly/cuddly/lovey-dovey kind of person, so I was momentarily at a loss. Still, I managed to bring my arms around her waist in a pseudo-hug while I pressed my lips into her ever-flowery hair. I could feel her pounding heart thudding against my arm and the steady rise and fall of her abdomen. I squeezed her a little bit, mimicking more of a genuine hug, and I kissed her head gently.
I suddenly felt like I wanted to... protect her, or something... I dunno... I can't explain exactly what I felt. She seemed... fragile... delicate... like a china doll that might break if I were to treat her harshly. It was weird. I felt myself regretting every nasty word I ever uttered to her... and I felt an overwhelming urge to whisper to her, 'I won't let anyone harm you ever.' I rolled my eyes, telling myself that I was just overreacting due to the huge mental endorphin rush that I had undoubtedly suffered.
She drew a deep breath and sighed out loud, making me smile and forget my stupid musings. I slid my hands across her sleek stomach, reveling in the soft expanse of flesh that was still hiding underneath her sweater. She twisted her head and looked up at me, smiling serenely.
"Your apology is accepted, Ms. Steinmann," she whispered. I gave her a big grin and leaned my head down to kiss her, soft and lazy this time. Her hand found my cheek, and my hand moved of its own will until it found her still-wet curls. I thoughtlessly slid my fingers into her slick crevice, making her gasp in my mouth. I brought my other arm around her shoulders, reinforcing her body as I continued to let my fingers invade her delicately. She kissed me harder and breathed a little heavier as her hips began to pump slowly against my palm, responding subtly to my gentle probing.
<My God... I could do this all night,> I thought as her body squirmed against me and her face remained fastened to mine. She interrupted my wishful thinking, however, when she suddenly broke the kiss and sat upright.
"I think we should take this someplace more... *comfortable*," she murmured through a small smile.
"Okay," I said simply, grinning stupidly back at her.
We both got up and I followed her back a short hallway to her bedroom. She went inside, but I paused at the doorway, unsure of... I dunno what. She turned and looked at me, reading my uncertainty. Giving me an understanding smile, she reached out for my hand, tugging and leading me into her inner sanctum.
When we reached the side of her bed, we stopped for a moment and looked at each other. It was strange, but I swear I could tell what she was thinking. For some reason, this seemed like an important moment for her, and I think she could tell that it was for me too. The question was... why? It wasn't the first time we'd 'been together'... but it seemed more 'monumental' on this occasion.
Then, it suddenly occurred to me... this time it wasn't just sex... this time, we were going to *make love*.
Ohmygod... love?? Like... *love* love?!? #$%!@&#$@!!
My mind let out a primal scream, and I came frightfully close to panicking, but luckily, the sensation of her hands unbuttoning my shirt snapped me out of my reverie. I tried to focus and watch as her nimble fingers undid each button and finally slipped the shirt off my shoulders. She made short work of my bra as well and glanced up at me, crinkling one corner of her mouth. Next, she promptly unzipped my jeans and pushed them down to my ankles, quick as a flash. I stepped out of them and kicked them away, looking back at her expectantly. She quirked a little smile again and leaned her face in to place a soft kiss on my chest.
Mmmm... it felt sooo good... like I had just been injected with a potent wonder-drug. The touch of her lips on my bare skin ignited me, and heat immediately spread through my body like a wildfire. She grabbed my arms and directed me to turn around and sit on the edge of the bed... my skin tingled with the anticipation of what she was going to do. She knelt in front of me and immediately began kissing from my stomach down to the tops of my thighs. I watched her through half-lidded eyes as she gently pushed my knees farther apart and kissed the insides of my thighs.
I closed my eyes completely and began to let my head fall back slightly, but I heard her getting up. When I opened my eyes again, she was shedding her sweater and bra... thank God. I eyed her silently, watching with muted hunger as she revealed her whole glorious self to me at last. When she was done, she leaned in and bestowed a most tender kiss on my lips. I was just getting ready to pull her on top of me when she interrupted,
"Lie back," she whispered against my mouth as she pushed my shoulders back softly.
Pretty soon I found myself staring up at her white ceiling, unable to see anything... only feel. And what I felt was her leaning over me, kissing my body... my clavicles... my chest... my breasts... my stomach... she pelted me everywhere with soft, wet kisses. Finally I sensed her sliding downward... downward, and then I felt her fingers tracing along my panties. They slipped underneath the waistband, quickly tugging them down and off my legs.
A ripple of excitement washed over me, making gooseflesh erupt all over my skin. I closed my eyes, and as soon as I did, I felt her lips on my stomach again... moving slowly... inching down to my protruding hip bones... down further to my upper thighs... and finally sliding laterally over and into my little thatch of curls.
Ohhh... yeahhh... the feel of her warm breath on me as she kissed my most private places was pure heaven. Next I felt her hands on my thighs, persuading them apart. I of course obliged, and she wasted no time taking what she wanted... that being me and my sanity.
She slipped her tongue in-between my juicy folds quickly, lapping at me like a kitten laps at a bowl of milk, savoring each little piece of me with her lips and tongue. I couldn't refrain from letting a gutteral moan drain out of my throat. Obviously encouraged, she continued on, albeit a bit less delicately. She would tease with nibbles, then thrust her tongue in... tease, then thrust... tease, then thrust. It was a rhythm that soon had me helplessly gyrating my hips and clenching the bed-covers.
All my foggy mind could think was, <sogoodsogoodsogood>. She must have taken classes or something since the last time we were together... shit, she was good. She could obviously tell that I was getting close, so she focused her attack on my way-sensitive clit. Uhhh... Godddddd. A few sucks and tongue-swirls and WHAMMO... I was done for.
I'm pretty sure I had another momentary loss of power... all I could remember was suddenly feeling her leaning over me again. When I opened my eyes, her angelic face was looking down at me, grinning triumphantly. I don't think I smiled back... I must have looked like death-warmed-over or something, because she wrinkled her brows and asked, "Are you alright?" very quietly.
I closed my eyes again and managed a nod to her. I couldn't speak, and even if I could, I'd surely say something unintelligible. I felt her lips on my heaving chest, and she paused for a few moments, undoubtedly feeling the pounding of my heart. She kissed it reverently and lifted her head up to look at me,
"So *intense*," she whispered, smiling and kissing my lips softly. I managed to give her a little smile, and she kissed me again... and again. By this time, I had my wits about me a little more, and we kissed long and lasciviously as she laid her bare body down fully upon mine.
Perhaps I was still delirious, but I think I can honestly say that that moment had to be the most incredibly passionate, sensual, sexual moment of my entire life. The weight of her petite, supple body atop me... the sensation of her soft breasts touching mine... the feel of her silky legs sliding in-between mine as we shifted our bodies on the bed... the deep, soul-searching kisses that we shared over and over again... it was a moment filled with emotions that just cannot adequately be described with ink and paper. It was - I'm certain - the only time that I felt my eyes sting with the threat of tears.
...Oh God... I was definitely a goner.
end part 5 of 6
Chapter 6 - It Ain't Over 'Till It's Over
I guess we fell asleep... for how long, I don't know, but I was awakened by Dana jerking and lifting her head away from my cheek. She sat up and looked at the clock. Did she have to go someplace? I idly wondered. She looked back at me, rubbing her arms,
"I'm cold... let's get under the covers," she murmured and motioned with a tilt of her head. I sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed, rubbing my eyes and looking around the room for a moment. As she rustled the bed sheets, I instinctively got up, thinking that I should leave. Bolting after a little romp has been my standard procedure for so many years, it was merely force-of-habit that made me get up and go pick up my clothes. I turned around and glanced at Dana... the look on her face froze me in my tracks.
"Are you leaving?" she asked with quiet surprise, her brows creased slightly with a mixture of confusion and hurt. I hesitated for a moment,
"I probably should," I said, shrugging slightly and averting my gaze. She paused for a second, then asked the question that I dreaded,
"But... why?" she asked in a hushed, disconcerted voice. I let out a deep sigh and lowered my eyes to the floor. I didn't know what to say to her... 'because I hate to hang around afterwards'?... 'because I have a thing about sleeping on too-soft mattresses'?... 'because it's what I *always* do'? or... 'because I'm afraid of the feelings I'm developing for you'? No... none of those would do... damn.
I moved to sit on the side of the bed, then I turned and looked at her, drawing a deep breath,
"I don't know, Dana," I said to her honestly,
"I don't know if it'd be such a good idea for me to stay," I said, looking at her again. She continued to give me the bewildered look, and it truly made my heart ache... dammit!
"I just...," I started, but couldn't finish. I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders again. I had to look away... her wounded expression was eating away at the pathetic remains of my defense system. Suddenly I heard her scooting up behind me, and then I felt her hand touching my shoulder,
"I want you to stay," she whispered,
"...I'm asking you... please stay with me," she finished quietly.
Her body was so close to mine... I could feel her heat. She placed her hand on my hair, stroking my tresses so gently... silently begging me not to abandon her. And how could I? How could I just leave her after what we experienced together tonight? What would I be saying to her if I left?
For that matter... what would I be saying if I stayed?
I turned around to face her, her glistening eyes and wordless lips asking me for an answer...
"Okay," I said in a barely audible whisper. She answered me with a simple smile.
I climbed underneath the covers and we began to settle between the crisp, cotton sheets. It was a little awkward, neither of us was sure how to lay... it was almost comical for a moment. Luckily, she made the move and cuddled up against my supine body, sliding one leg over mine and resting her arm across my chest. I turned a little so that we could look at each other, and she immediately slipped her leg in-between my thighs. We smiled contently at each other, not saying a word, and not needing to... everything that needed to be said, we said with our eyes... everything that needed to be felt, we felt with our merged flesh and our mutually beating hearts.
After a few moments of gazing, I thoughtlessly reached up and touched my finger to her face, slowly tracing a line from the bridge of her aristocratic nose down to the cleft above her perfect lips. I continued on, watching my finger trace the outline of her lips, then down to her chin and along her jaw. I looked back up again... her eyes shone brightly in the darkened room... like sunlight reflecting off the waters of the most beautiful aqua ocean... shimmering with deep fathoms of desire. I leaned forward and kissed her, wishing to feel and taste her desire once again. She returned the kiss with a fierceness of her own, hunger immediately springing to life within both of us once again.
We tangled our limbs and kissed and suckled each other intently until I rolled onto my back, pulling her atop me. She sat up, gently cupping my breasts and sliding her crotch down my body so that it was positioned directly atop mine. She pivoted and moved her hips, grinding her wet cunt against me while squeezing my breasts. I reached down and grasped her by the hips, moving my pelvis in rhythm with hers. I watched her as she began to get off... her mouth opened slightly... her eyes glazed over, then closed... and her head dropped back as her mind became focused only on achieving pleasure.
Watching her like this was a pleasant turn-on, but I really hate grinding... too animalistic and Neanderthal. I gripped her hips harder and yanked her up toward my head. She snapped out of her trance and looked down at me, puzzled.
"Move up here," I whispered, pulling her toward me again. She obeyed and shifted herself up a little, but not enough for what I had in mind. I pulled her up further until she was sitting on my chest, then I slid my hands under her butt and lifted up. She looked down at me with widened eyes, finally understanding what I wanted and obeying again like a good little angel. She inched herself forward and grasped the headboard of her bed, situating her knees on either side of my head so that I once again had perfect access to her delectable recesses.
I slid my hands up and held her ass gently, snaking my tongue out to taste her honey, which fairly dripped from her by now. Mmmm... sugar on my tongue... it was *so* fucking good. As soon as I touched her, she flinched and emitted a breathy groan, and I could feel more nectar trickle out of her. OhMyGod... now *this* was turning me on big-time... I didn't think it was possible to be turned-on any more than I already had been, but I was wrong... *very* wrong.
I could feel my whole body become taut with excitement, and a burst of heat spread throughout my body in a rush. She moaned and gasped softly again... oh Jesus... I thought I was going to come right then and there. I grasped her ass harder and laved her entire valley with my tongue, dampening my nose as I thrust in deeply to taste her. She began to drive her hips into my face as she started to lose control. I quickly slid one hand away from her ass and plunged my thumb deep inside her while moving my mouth up to her vulnerable clit. Latching hungrily onto her protruding button, I alternated sucking and swirling my tongue around it, determined to drive her insane.
Suddenly, she let go of the headboard and tilted back, her knees sliding apart farther so that the only thing holding her up was the willpower of her thighs and my busy hands. I looked up to see her looking down at me... her mouth was agape and a wild, frenzied look filled her now-darkened eyes. She stayed riveted to me as she began pumping her hips faster and grinding her cunt harder against my mouth. As I flicked and sucked her clit mercilessly, I felt her thighs start to quiver and shake. Her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her head, and she squeezed them shut and threw her head back, emitting breathy moans and jerking her hips uncontrollably as the orgasm finally began to overtake her. Her body started to slide off to one side, but I didn't let go... I let her fall over onto the bed, and I stayed with her, determined to keep my mouth fastened. She kept writhing and I kept hammering her clit with my tongue... I wanted her to come again, and again, if possible. She grabbed handfuls of my hair and yanked it hard - damn hard - while she enveloped my head between her thighs and squeezed. I held on tightly as her hips bucked spasmodically and her back arched up off the bed. She gave out a louder groan, convulsing and coming violently at last.
We were both panting and exhausted after that workout. Her legs flopped down onto the bed beside my head and she laid very still. I pushed myself back a little and let my head rest between her thighs. I was sure that I was supposed to be kissing her or hugging her or something, but I honestly didn't have the energy to do jack-shit at that particular moment. So I just laid there like a dish-rag, trying to catch my breath as I listened to her ragged panting. My mouth actually hurt... I probably sprained my damn tongue... Christ.
<A little *too* overzealous there, dumbass,> I scolded myself internally. Oh but it was worth it... yes, indeed.
After a few minutes, I felt well enough to lift my head and take a peek at her... I thought I should make sure she was alive. She had her head turned to the side... eyes closed... mouth parted... flaming hair strewn wildly around her angelic face... I could have devoured her all over again... but I didn't. I behaved myself instead and knelt over her perfect form, bending down to kiss her stomach as it expanded and contracted in sync with her lungs. I slowly let my lips wander up her perfect, petite figure to the valley between her breasts, making sure to visit each nipple as well. She stirred when my lips touched her there, and I looked up to see if she was conscious. She took a deep breath, blowing it out while she put her hands up to her eyes.
"Mmm... goddd," she mumbled. I grinned widely at her and she moved her hands away to peek out at me, finally giving me a shy, but toothy grin. I leaned in and touched our lips together delicately, and she immediately encircled my neck and shoulders with her arms, pulling me to her and kissing me deeply. After some delightful lip-locking, we broke, and she smiled at me again,
"I don't know about you, but I'm *exhausted*," she said with a quiet laugh. I grinned back at her,
"Agreed," I said, laughing myself.
We climbed underneath the covers and laid tightly against each other, this time without hesitancy. We kissed a little more, then I moved down so that my face rested in the crook of her neck and my lips touched her throat. She put her arms around my shoulders, holding me somewhat protectively.
Normally this would bother me, - well, *normally* there's no way in hell I'd be doing this with anyone -but with her, I didn't mind. With her, it was... natural... it was comforting... it was... safe.
As I laid there, I scolded myself for being so stupid. I had acted like such a complete idiot, I nearly blew it with Dana... I nearly lost all of this. And this was... so good. It felt so right. So I told myself that it was okay to feel this way... it was okay to let my guard down... it was alright to not be in control... it was okay, ...and it felt good. These were hard acknowledgements for me to make. I had become a creature of habit... and the habits that I had formed were borne out of a need to protect myself. I was living in a ridiculous, self-imposed exile, shut-off from the world of love, just because I thought I might get hurt. It was okay for me to hurt someone, but I couldn't be hurt... no, no, no.
God... Diana was right... I was *such* a fucking coward.
I listened carefully to the steady breathing sounds that were now coming from Dana. Watching the subtle movement of her chest as she slept peacefully, I nudged my face forward just enough to gently touch my lips to her skin... closing my eyes, I just laid there very quietly and breathed her in.
I'm not an emotional person - far from it, actually... I'm quite sure you can tell this by now. But this... this experience was... different. This made me *feel* so very strange... it made me *think* about things in a whole new light... it changed everything about me... I couldn't deny that.
This was, by far, the deepest and most intimate experience I'd ever shared with a lover. It wasn't the usual and customary, 'let's-just-fuck-and-get-our-jollies' kind of encounter... it wasn't about conquering and conquest. It was passionate... it was intense... it was deeply soulful. It was the most - and maybe the only - true emotional connection I'd ever felt with someone... it was nothing short of an epiphany for me.
...I felt like I was 'born-again'.
end part 6 of 6
So, what is the moral of my little story? Well... I'm not sure. I suppose it could be different for every reader. For me, I guess the moral is: don't be a coward... don't waste your life being miserable and alone. Control, anger, pride - all of those things are just stupid covers for being afraid... I can see that now. Throughout this whole experience, I'd done a lot of thinking about a lot of things... there's been a lot of contemplating... hell, I've gotten downright profound and philosophical with myself... it's been scary.
I've thought about all the proverbs and all the words of wisdom, like: 'if love fails, you need to set yourself free, let your heart spread its wings and fly again...'; 'you may find love and lose it, but when love dies, you don't have to die with it...'; 'the strongest people are not those who always win but those who stand back up when they fall...', etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. I always thought these sayings were bullshit, but when you're hit on the head with something as illuminating as finally and truly falling in love with someone, your attitude changes... radically.
Loving is not what you see, but how you feel... not how you forget, but how you forgive... not how you listen, but how you understand... and not how you let go, but how you hold on. You should wait for the one you want, rather than settle for the one that's available... you should wait for the one you really love, because life is too short to waste on just anyone. And what is a real love? It's when you argue and fight, and still you care for her... it's when she's angry and ignoring you, and still you long for her. A real love understands when you say, 'I forgot'... she waits forever when you say, 'just a minute'... she opens the door even before you knock and say 'can I come in?'... and she stays when you say 'leave me alone'.
There is some kind of fear in every relationship... there is pain... there is anger. Sometimes the one you love turns out to be the one who hurts you the most. This doesn't mean you've failed... it doesn't mean you *can't* love anyone... it's just all part of being "in love" and having a real relationship with someone.
If you really love someone, you don't push them away... you don't let go... you don't turn your back and walk away.
This is what I've learned.
...and I have my Very-Much-Attached Venus to thank for that.
Visit me at: http://www.geocities.com/a_k_naten/ScullySlash.html for the original 'Detachable Venus' story and others.