Far away so close (correct version)

by Juliette


Spoilers : for episode 9.17 - William

Just a little thing that was on my mind when I rewatched season 9 (sorry I had to repost something was not right...)

They're not mine we know that. Thanks to Fox and TenThirteen.

Feedback is so always welcome


The way you look tonight

I am doomed. I knew it the day I laid eyes on you. I am doomed and tonight is the night I will be punished. The way you look tonight, I cannot get it out of my mind, I really can't. I am burning with desire and it fills me with shame. Shame and desire mixes to torture my lost soul that can't find any escape anymore but I'm not ashamed for the reason you would think, I'm not ashamed of my desire for you, I never was and never will be Dana. I'm ashamed because you look so desperate, you seem so hurt, crying and shaking curled up on your coach, and all I can think about is how much I want you.

You had to give up William today, your son, the boy I helped you bring into this world, the boy I saw take his first breath, cry his first cry. May be that's why you let me stay with you tonight. I have to help you go through the pain again but this time there will be no happy ending. I don't know how I could help you cross to the other side; I don't know if I can because all I can think about is the way you look tonight.

Your blue eyes are filled with salty water and I watch the light dancing in them, I follow a tear down your cheek, I gaze at one of your hair lock playing with the corner of your mouth. How can I? I gaze at your shoulders shaking and I so want to take you in my arms, bring you close and tell you I will do anything to try to make it better but I can't anymore. I can't even touch you because of what my body really wants, I can't trust it anymore.

Your shield is down, you do not hide anymore, you are so hurt this time that you can't hide it, your walls have crashed before my eyes and I don't think I've ever saw you so fragile yet so beautiful. I feel your sadness, I feel the emptiness William has left and I feel that the meaning of your life is slowly fading away but all I want is to be the one who will show you how simple joy can be sometimes. How selfish of me, I know I do not have the right to claim that place.

I know I've failed you Dana but you have stolen my heart and my soul is not strong enough tonight to make it forget I want to touch you, feel your skin and take you to my land of burning desire. Still, all I find myself able to do is look at you; lose myself in the way you look tonight.


Take me in your arms

Take me in your arms. Take me in your arms Monica, take me away from it all, I want to forget, I want to get lost, take me anywhere. I want to be the woman you see when you look at me. I want to know this light in your eyes is mine. I know you look at me; I know you think about me, I know you are there for me. So why can't you take me in your arms?

You do not know how important you have become in my life, I did not know before tonight. You were with me at the beginning of William's life and you are with me again the day I have given my son a new life, the day I've finally allowed him to take a new start in a more secure place. This means something important for me but may be you don't realize it. I'm crying but I'm not crying for William, I'm crying for me because now I am alone again, my life is empty and would be even more pathetic if you weren't there with me.

You are always at my side when I really need you to. I never ask but you always are. You are the only one with whom I don't need to be strong, the first person with whom I can allow myself to be weak. You never ask me anything in return but why can't you see that I would give you what I have if only you could ask it. What is it that you're asking when you're staring at me? I need you to tell me Monica, I need you to take me in your arms and show me.

I want to lose myself in your scent, I want to feel the heat that my body could produce in yours, I want to tell you things I can't explain with words, I want to be myself and show you secrets. Only, I can't bring myself to give you that, I need you to take it. Take it Monica please, takes me in your arms.
 

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