I'll Be Here
Date: Tuesday, May 21, 2002 8:52 PM
Title: "I'll Be Here"
Email: firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com Archive: Sure, but let me know where it's going. I'll send it to Gossamer.
Rating: PG (dark subject matter)
Classification: Scully/Reyes Friendship Summary: Reyes' POV of "William"
Disclaimer: All the X-F characters are not mine... CC and Fox own them, and I'm not making any money from this...is that good enough? ;-P
"I'll be Here"
I think my heart has broken a thousand times over these past few days. Every time I look at Dana, she seems sadder, more withdrawn. It is all because of that bastard, Spender. I don't care what he did or didn't do to William...hell, he should've told Dana about it, talked to her.
When William started screaming all three of us jumped, and I could see the panic flood Scully's eyes. After that, it was all a blur. I know I called the hospital and drove us there, but that's all I remember.
Then there was the look on her face. She was desperate, desperate to do something...anything to help. Her voice was so strained. "I'm a medical doctor, okay. Can I..."
I'm glad the doctor told her to sit tight. Scully knew that's what had to be done. There's no way she could have helped out. I've seen her do autopsies that would make a grown man puke, but when it's her child...even treating something simple can be traumatic.
The waiting was the worst. I kept looking at her, but she didn't want to talk. She didn't want comfort. She wanted her son. I remember trying to read a magazine, but the words were all jumbled up. I couldn't focus. Whenever I'm around Dana my "feelings," the things I sense are very strong, and when she's in distress...it's a hundred times worse. I honestly have never felt this--connected to anyone before, not even John.
I was so worried about Dana, if something had happened to William...but then we heard the doctor. "He's good; he's doing fine." I thought I would collapse with relief. But Dana--I don't know what she felt. Of course she looked relieved, but she was so, so troubled, I guess.
Then Spender did what I will NEVER EVER forgive him for. He put doubt into Dana Scully's mind. I can still remember every word of our conversation in William's room. I walked in and she looked so lost, yet there was something...something in her eyes. I knew what she was thinking of, because I'd been thinking about it too.
"I know it's impossible to stop thinking about what he said, about William, but it's all lies, Dana. "And you are the one who proved it." What she said in reply...It was then that I realized how deeply Spender had affected her.
"Then how should I prove it now? By insisting that I can protect him, only to find out too late that I can't?"
"You say it as if you have a choice." She doesn't...does she?
"He didn't have a choice to come into this life. I don't have a choice about what he is or was. But I do have the choice about the life my son will have." Right then I almost ran over to embrace her, but something stopped me. I was frozen. "And should I choose that he never have to be afraid of anyone or anything...can I ever really promise him that?"
--Oh my God...what is she saying?-- I thought. My stomach twisted up. How could I answer that? She was right, she couldn't assure his safety. I voiced the question in my mind. "But who can?"
When she leaned over the crib and cried, I couldn't stop myself. Walking up behind her, I placed my arms around her. Trembling, she leaned into my embrace and began to sob. I was surprised to find my tears in my own eyes.
"Dana...you're tired. It's been a long day. You need sleep." She started to shake her head, but I squeezed her tighter. "Please, Dana."
Opening her eyes she looked up with the most fragile gaze I have ever seen. "Would you...would you stay? I don't want to be here, with Will...by myself tonight." I was glad she asked me, because I didn't want her to be alone tonight. Being alone is never good in times like this. I nodded and she pulled herself away.
Guiding her into the bedroom, I pulled out a pair of her silk pajama sets and handed them to her. "You go to bed. I'll make sure Will is asleep. Then I'll take the couch." She reached to me, grabbing my hand. Her hands are so small, beautiful...It's hard to believe what she uses her hands for. As I caught her eyes, I felt a surge of emotion for this small, powerful, but hurting woman standing in front of me.
When she let go, she just gave me a slight smile and wiped away her tears. "Thank you Monica..." I smiled back, leaving her alone to go to bed.
So here I stand, hovering over a sleeping baby William. He is so beautiful, just like his mother. I hope she realizes that I will do anything...and I mean ANYTHING for her. She is so kind, so strong, so wonderful...and I think she's finally letting me into her life. Or at least I hope she is... I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I can say this--
--I'll be here.
Authors Notes: I LOVE feedback...it's almost better than chocolate! (I said almost...) Email me at Starbuck83@yahoo.com You can find my other stories at http://www.angelfire.com/ms/xaccess Thanks so much.
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